December brought me the healing of my father “stuff” and once that was completed I made the choice to cease playing the dark and shadow games with my partner. Tobias talked about the games in the Shoud 5: Dear Tobias, What’s Going On?

“… REVELATION of the Dark Shadow

New Life – Part 2

January 11, 2009

The Shadow information from Children of Light continues:

“…That brings us to the second four months of 2009.

TRANSMUTATION of the Dark Shadow

Everything that was uncovered in the first four months will now need to go through inner transformation. You will need to move deeper and deeper inside, beyond the Dark Shadow into the Light Shadow. This is your core connection to Self, where you hold the potential of your soul.

The subconscious is the mind that holds all of this in place. It is a very conscious mind. What you have called your conscious mind is actually the "dumb mind" that only takes past descriptions and a frozen identity of self and re-describes what is "known." That keeps you frozen in place, in herd consciousness, trying to fit in like a wounded child who does not know their own power.

You have been well trained to be enslaved by the outer world of form. Those that you have allowed to set this up, even elected to rule you, not to govern you, have happily played their parts.

You live in a world economic system that is a corporate government that is like a ruler with a feudal system. You are all subject to how you have willingly set it up by not taking responsibility for yourselves. You purchase, take out credit and become completely dependent on your outer stuff. This was not accidental. It was well-planned.

The whole system will reveal itself and it is now beginning to break down. Your comfort zones now being shaken up has been well-planned to keep you in fear in this time of accelerated energies. Nothing is happening arbitrarily.

Do you think the very wealthy will suffer at all? not a chance. Do you think that the largest tax-free corporation, the Catholic Church, will suffer? not a chance.

In this time of transmutation, you need to take all that you have discovered and to diligently begin to transmute these parts of self into something else. You need to create an inner connection, where you love, nurture and develop these lost parts of self. The average person is scared to know themselves. This will bring about an awareness of your inner emptiness, which comes from not being connected to self and your own feelings.

This will bring about more extremes, in an attempt to stay distracted. We urge you not to buy into this conditioned behavior. You need to take this time to re-connect, to become self-empowered creators who are responsible for your lives to learn how to develop an inner relationship and become great manifestors of your dreams.

If it were not for your collective thoughts and feelings as a human species, who are all maintaining a certain description of reality through your attachment to that which is outside, you will know a very different world. You need to go inside and learn how to interrupt those habitual thoughts and feelings. You need to develop a real connection to your inner selves, so that you can know you are multi-dimensional beings, who are powerful creators.

You need to take your power back from the outer world. It is about marrying the inner and the outer, from the point of view of directing the outer from an inner truth and conviction that must now be developed. You have not even known how to do this. This is what is now awakening, as you practice taking responsibility with integrity.

You wouldn't give a car to a child to drive. It is the same with giving you access to the energy of creation. If you are in wounded resistance, you wouldn't use these energies for creative purposes either. You are now learning how to drive, by growing up and taking responsibility in a different way. You are becoming vehicles of empowerment, love and value.

Get the help you need to work this out. Find out who knows how to help you reconnect to your emotional bodies and transform your fearful mental beliefs. As you do, you will begin to see how to create lives that not only fulfill you as individuals, but that serve the good of the whole.

Now as you open to the heart chakra in this time of evolution, you move into the forces of creation and learn how to manifest consciously through the truth of your being. This will always focus on the "we consciousness," not the narcissism of a wounded child who is all about "me." …”

For me, the Shadow and Dark Work was all about the fear, beginning with having it in my face every moment of the day and continually feeling off-balance and not able to fully connect with my true self, and being triggered to react without thinking. I realize now that I was taking on my partner’s fear internally, as well as my brother’s fear, for I was quite close to him at the beginning of this journey 7 years ago, too. He really loves living in the shadows where no one can find him and hurt him.

I took this fear into my physical body and my weight ballooned up by 50 pounds in just a couple of months! Boy, if that’s not an indicator that there’s something out of balance, I don’t know what is J  Jean Tinder wrote a really terrific post on the Crimson Circle Message board about her own experiences with taking energies into her body called, “Keepers”.

Then gradually through facing and working through the fear, finding those lost and fragmented parts of self from this life and all other lives, the fear became a signal and a wonderful tool instead of something to run away from feeling and experiencing. Fear doesn’t kill you, it just makes you feel damn uncomfortable and you wonder if you ARE going to die!

As the integration of aspects became easier and more parts of myself came out of the woodwork so to speak, overall I began to regain a sense of self and ease with my beingness. I guess you could say that I found my own light in the darkness and was able to use that more and more to find my way through this whole process of reconnection and unification of aspects.

Finally the last pieces came to me and with them a massive sense of completion. The closest I can say that this comes to is that feeling you get when you’re meditating and connecting at those really deep levels of self within and knowing that all is well and all will be well. Once the Shadow and Dark work is done, you get to live in that place most of the time! And even if something yanks you out of that place for a time, it’s quite easy to come back to yourself.

And how do I feel now about my life?

I feel damned relieved to be finished with this game! For a game it is indeed and while it’s been interesting to play, most of the time I didn’t know the rules and that was really hard for me. I was going along just fine feeling hope for a wonderful relationship with my partner and dreaming of a life together when wham! the energies shifted and all of a sudden I’m living with an angry, scared monster. I didn’t know how to do that type of relationship!

In August of 2001 I stood at a crossroads in my life. Tobias talked about this in the shoud The Ascension Series: It’s Not About You Anymore

“… Remember our words that we have spoken before: You do not go Home. It comes to you. This is the beginning of a new part of your journey on Earth, a journey that began some 2,500 years ago. …”

“… Now reviewing your lifetime, again you reflect back on this very strange time period, this very strange time period from August, 1999, to approximately August, 2001. You remember this as kind of a time of "no time." It was a time of transition and adjustment. It was a time of very strange physical feelings, very strange emotional feelings. You did not know exactly where you existed or why. You felt a strong pull to continue going forward, but yet you did not feel grounded or anchored in anything. You felt you were in a tremendous period of transition. You did not feel at home anywhere. You felt like you were a pack of wandering gypsies, trying to find something, knowing that it was there, but not knowing how to find it. …”

And …

“…There are across your world at this time in August, 2001, approximately 14,000,000 humans who are at this point. They have gone through the journey. They have been waiting patiently these last few years. They are consciously working on bringing in this new divinity. They are at the point of making this decision of being in service. …”

And …

“…We told you that those who sit here on this day, those who read this, those who hear this, even if it is years from now… we told you on that day, dear friends – and this is what we argued with Cauldre about all week – we told you at this moment with tears in our eyes that – oh, whether you understand or not – you have already ascended. You have already ascended. You have been waiting for this. You have been waiting for something to come down to descend on you. You have been waiting for some great change.

But we tell you, each of you, all who are touched by these words, you have already done it. Surprise! Who did you think would be there waiting for you, when you are the first? What did you think would happen when you ascended?

The definition of ascension is when you stay in a body in the same lifetime, but yet move to your next lifetime. And all of you have done that. All of you have made the decisions in these past few years to stay. That is why we are here. That is why the ones who represent the potential of your True Self come in on this day, specifically to applaud. You have gone through the gateway of ascension. Ah, but the joke is that now the hard work begins!

That is why we can tell you in Lesson number 1 of the Ascension Series that it is not about you anymore. The "you" is from the past. The "you" that you knew before was on the karmic wheel. You went from lifetime to lifetime, trying to resolve and balance. It is not you anymore. You have ascended past that. Indeed their old energies will always be close and always be familiar, but it is not you anymore. Do you understand what we mean? It is not about you. You have moved beyond. You are not seeking ascension anymore. You have ascended. …”

Even re-reading these words I had that Holy Crap! thing happening J

Anyway, I could feel all of this happening, standing on that precipice of making a new choice in my life. I could have stayed where I was living in northern Idaho and would have continued in a specific timeline that would not have been anywhere near as difficult. Instead, I chose to come south and eventually meet my partner and do the Shadow work with him.

Interestingly enough, that original timeline is now blending and merging with this current timeline of mine. It’s like I took a huge detour in 2001 to do this hard work, like I had the time to do this, and now I’m coming back to the main highway of my life. Whew! Kind of hard to wrap my mind around that one…

Part of what made this last 7 years so hard was because it was not originally intended to be that long a period. We were intended to be finished about 3 years ago, and at that time I was definitely ready to be done! In fact, I actually left him and took off.

But my soul dragged me back and asked if I’d stay a bit longer. And even after my partner and I were divorced my soul still kept asking me if I would do a bit more work. Now that I’ve finished this all up I can understand what the big deal was… to have left earlier would have definitely meant this process being incomplete.

And now it is and I’m out of that alternate reality (which it totally what it felt like to me when it happened 7 years ago, like going into the Twilight Zone for sure) and on my way once more with ease, joy and glory. Living in integrity with myself and making the choice to stay in my integrity when triggered for something else or by someone else. I used to feel swayed by the wind of negative energies and now I find that I have instant awareness that something is trying to get me to resist and react, most likely for purposes of feeding on my energy, and I simply stop right then and there and renew my choice to be out of that game.

It’s about living in that awareness of everything going on around and making the choice about how much to participate in every moment with the games that other people are still experiencing. My partner is still playing out those roles that are not healed and yet he’s also making the choice to not give himself the opportunity to work with me while we’re still living together to come to greater healing of those parts of himself.

Because he won’t ask me to help him work through and integrate these pieces, it doesn’t happen. J

I have finished those energies of being re-active with him and now it’s about a human coming to me when they are ready for assistance. It’s that easy, and yet it appears to be the hardest thing that my partner might ever do! The help is available and he is choosing to continue to play out the roles and will now take it to the next person he shares his life with. Again, not for me to say what’s what for him because while I may have an inclination and knowing about his soul purpose, his choices are his to make.

I do own up to some responsibility for his learning a way to be “fed” by those healing, higher vibrational energies because in the beginning I was going through the experience of wanting to “fix” him and so whenever he would go into one of these roles I would jump in and see what I could do to shift it. So he learned that if he acted “sick” he would get attention and assistance and a major meal of lovely energy. I did this work in that manner in the beginning because he was damn scary and I felt that if he would at least retrieve those fragments and aspects that carried the anger and rage that I might feel a bit safer around him!

Anyway, the work is done and I am not going there with him ever again. The opportunities were presented to him and he made his own choices. As have I.

And how do I really feel?

I never want to see his face again! LOL!!

I never want to be in his space again or have to even deal with him when we part ways! How much more done can we be?

I know that that won’t be the case for a while yet, but I can dream, can’t I?

And what are the infinite possibilities?!

Homesteading Aspects

January 31, 2009

Here it is, the last day of January and what an amazing month it’s been, the ups and downs, the shifts and changes, new energy, old energy and the beat goes on….

For the most part, this month consisted for me of two events, the inauguration and the solar eclipse. Everything else is a big blur. I taped the inauguration and found it quite interesting. A couple of things stood out for me:

·         While walking with Mrs. Bush, Michelle Obama kept glancing over at her in short, quick snatches of looks. Taking her cues from Mrs. Bush?  Seeing how it’s done? Not sure, just interesting.

·         I found it interesting how little interaction there was between Bush and Cheney that day. While Cheney was in a wheelchair because he’d hurt his back moving boxes, he definitely brought forth the energy of a damn tired, old, worn out administration.

·         I felt that Obama wanted to say some really harsh things about the Bush administration during his speech, yet went the politically correct way and will instead use action instead of words.

·         When the helicopter was leaving with the old folks on it, the new folks (the Obama’s and the Biden’s) stood on the steps, together. They stood close together and they were a united front, both personally and energetically. These people genuinely like each other and respect each other. They make a great team.

I believe in Obama and feel very strongly that he will indeed provide stability and strength as well as courage for this unheralded time of transition. And for the first time in my entire life I look at him and think, “that’s MY president!”

Ok, moving on. The solar eclipse brought in unbelievably intense energies for me. I woke up the morning on the day of the solar eclipse in a world of hurt. I had the headache from hell and a billion voices going off in my head, all aspects coming home at the same time. I also had an intense pain at my solar plexus and at first I thought that my upstairs neighbor had stomach cancer and I was picking up on it. Later, my friend Rosanne told me that that pain was from a dark aspect integrating from a time in Atlantis… this was a biggie… perhaps the most wounded of all the aspects that I’ve been dealing with!!

I just lay there in bed saying "Who does this belong to? Where is this coming from?" alternating with I AM THAT I AM.

I went back to sleep and got up a bit later and felt like holy crap. Weak all over, body aches like the flu and my head absolutely filled with voices, feeling bombarded on all sides by energy, nausea and so forth. Old body trauma resurfaced with pain in my left hip and knee.

I went back to bed and slept off and on, waking up periodically to find myself saying, I AM THAT I AM.

My friend in Ohio said that she had a night of saying that about a month ago and it got rid of a really pesky Worry aspect. Because she shared this information with me earlier I was able to quickly understand what was going on and allow myself to flow with it.

I was basically in bed all day, massive headache from the voices, sick stomach and so on, feeling like I’d been transported to another dimension and didn’t travel well. I didn't get up until around 6pm, drank some tea and had some chicken noodle soup. Still not feeling so hot when I went back to bed at 10pm. Still found myself laying there saying the I AM THAT I AM periodically until I went to sleep.

At one point I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and happened to glance at my right hand. I found it interesting that it was the hand of an old woman, wrinkled and age spotted. The first thought that popped into my head was, “I guess I’ll have to start using that fade cream now.”

Then the second thought that popped into my head was, “I sure hope my face doesn’t look like that.”

Then I went back to bed.

Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up and was all clear! Whew! No more chattering voices!!! God, those voices were horrible while they were there…. Like being unable to turn off the damn radio when all you’re getting is that weird noise between stations that won’t tune it!

What a big difference in how the energies around me felt once they were gone. One of the things that Tobias says about when the aspects are all integrated is that the voices in your head are gone too. You will then feel a flowing of energy in your life without resistance and reaction, feeling more peace and contentment.

I was given the information that that day and night was a Point of Separation for me, yet I was unclear about what the separation was from. I thought for a bit during long day that I was choosing to go BACK INTO the shit energy with my partner and I said if that's what my soul is choosing for me then I'm out of here!!! I will slit my wrists or whatever the hell it takes before I continue in that energy with him!!

And when I got the opportunity and felt the energies moving for me, I sat down and “asked” some questions of my soul self. The bolding is my question and the answer is from Spirit. J

I feel that there’s something you’d like to share with me about all this.

Yes dear one, we are here and there has been a momentous change with you over the last 24 hours. We express our regards that you were able to move through it so quickly and without the fear that so many will be feeling when this time comes for them.

Your Point of Separation is about the new life that you have chosen, the new blueprint that you’ve been integrating and the new soul plan that is now being embodied. It will take a bit of time to fully ground this within your physical, yet know that all is well and you will see a rapid change now in how your body feels and how it reacts to specific foods and an overall vibrational shift.

This is the result of the massive integration of aspects that indeed did take place yesterday. This could have taken you months or even years to fully work through, yet you were able to recognize what was happening and to be present with it and allow it to happen. This makes a large difference in how it all plays out as well for the future in that because it will not take a length of time you will be moving more quickly into the next phases of your life. …

Is there anything else I should know about all this?

We say to you this day that your partner will have a different role to play now in your life. He has been the trigger and mirror for the aspectology work of the dark and shadow aspects and also the support in the financial way. This will change in that he will become more supportive of the life that will be opening up for you and will finish being the aspect mirror for you. This will take you both into new areas of friendship and companionship and will bring much more peace into your life.

Because you have chosen to be finished with the couple relationship, this will be shifting for you now as well. You will become more the brother/sister energies, which you are quite familiar with from other lives, and the tension, ..., will cease to be around you. This too, is part of the new setup that you are choosing.

It will now be easier for you to once more be the bright and shining light that you were when you lived in this area as a child. You will feel much more protected and supported in that you feel able to be authentic and brightly shining. You will easily connect with others in this new life and many, many doors will be opening. You have done well our beloved and now you will truly see what all the pain and the heartache have been about. One year from now you will look back to this day and you will not even recognize yourself or those energies!

For this time forward, allow yourself to flow with the energies in every moment, regardless of what is being presented to you. Follow that grand intuition that you have and know that you are being guided in every moment by your soul, as you have issued the invitation for your soul to join you now in this human life and so it is. Be prepared for magic to begin to show up in your life!

Thank you.

You are so very welcome dear one, and all is well with your soul.

I have integrated my traumatized aspects, many of the grays and I am hoping, all of the dark aspects. They are now in the process of getting comfortable being “Home” with me and becoming part of my I AM... homesteading in a manner of speaking, within the landscape of my divinity. I'm also getting used to them.

I came out of that Point of Separation experience with a changed "stomach" so to speak... After so much integration I decided to create some new aspects that serve me with health and wellbeing, career, relationships and so on. They are doing a wonderful job!  I read a post by Maureen Quinn earlier in the month about the “Eat Right 4 Your Type” way of eating based on blood type and my body said to pay attention. I bought the book for myself after having read it from the library. As a foundational beginning I’ve found it to be of great help to me.

I now use this method of eating for Blood Type O, all of which I knew already but had lost track of and stopped taking care of myself by eating well along the way. So I’ve been eating better, my new exercise aspect keeps me moving, and I feel so much more balanced and overall centered with myself.

I have been sitting up late and night, breathing and inviting home any reluctant or straggling aspects and listening to my new ones talk to me. They share some interesting information…

What came to me after that wild night in relation to eating, was that my portion sizes are too big and are overwhelming my stomach and intestines. I don't think that I am eating all that much, but it's too much at one time. Many times I only eat like twice a day so perhaps that's right. J

I also got that the protein comes first. So first thing in the morning I drink a 4 oz. glass of soy milk and let that sit for a bit before having anything else. I also drink a half glass of water. This part was interesting to me because the first thing I've always done when I get up is chug down about a 14oz glass of water! Now, it's take 5 sips at a time when I am thirsty and let that be for a while before having more. I sip like this all during the day, too.

Something radically changed with my stomach because now I'm taking my portions and cutting them in half and that half is absolutely more than enough! I may even come back in about 2 hours and eat the second half. LOL!! Also, I'm not even hungry at all, not even before I sit down to eat a meal. What's really interesting is that after I eat anything I get really hot, like my body is working full time on ingesting that little bit that I ate. My body feels a great deal more efficient, too, overall.

And my excess weight is leaving me. J

In this moment I feel better than I have for years! Before the Harmonic Convergence I was working out 6 days a week, eating healthy and feeling in tune with my life and loving every minute of it. My accident that same week took me out of that physical world and into the inner world to do this personal ascension work. I’ve desperately missed the physical activity but wasn’t physically able to do much due to the seeming continuous injuries that followed over the years.

With all the energy work that I’ve done on this body, coupled with the emotional, spiritual and aspect work, I now have the potential to once again have that physically fit body. This is my target for this year…. Having it all now!!!

And what are the infinite possibilities?!

What Makes Me Happy?

February 9, 2009

I am going to share a couple of things today that have had a big impact on me this week. I begin this blog entry today with the excerpt from the Akashic Record channel found at http://spiritlibrary.com/akashic-transformations/akashic-records-of-february-2009

“… Are there any special days that we need to pay attention to in February of 2009?
Yes, February 9 is an important day. It is a portal of some kind; like a Stargate. February 9 has this incredibly powerful, potent magical energy. It is a useful day to do rituals or just take some time for yourself to reflect and it is a day when many of you will find yourselves somewhat clairvoyant. Now this is funny because many of you are finding yourselves somewhat clairvoyant all of the time every day. Look particularly on February 9 for that tangible connection with Spirit and for that tangible feeling that the other world is just beyond your reach, just around the corner. The other side of the veil is so close to you and February 9 has a particular potency and proximity to Spirit. …”

 

I saw a free ebook posted yesterday and had to download it. I read it last night and it was one of those epiphanic times for me. Talk about eye opening and jaw dropping… facilitating a huge shift for me. The book is “Accept Your Abundance” by Randy Gage. It’s only about 78 pages and it’s quite full of him poking fun at belief systems, but that’s what made it such an eye opener for me… these belief systems that we don’t think about too much and yet have such an impact on us! He talks about Ayn Rand a lot and she is one of my favorite authors. During the happiest year of my life she was pivotal in my development of self and awareness. It was those periodic reminders of what I used to know about myself that were the most beneficial to me in this book.

After reading the book I sat down and began breathing. I do deep breathing every night, late, and while this last month of time I’ve felt like I’ve been treading water in one place while doing this and not receiving any benefits from it, last night it was quite different. I was breathing from a new place after listening to the shoud earlier in the day and I could feel that a huge transition had taken place. Kuthumi facilitated some amazing releases and awareness in the shoud and it was such a relief to have energy moving again in my life. I’ve been feeling very stuck and so damn weary that I could hardly get out of my own way!

So it was time to look at some of those old elephant belief systems and see what would be revealed to me and freed up.

I discovered that I was still holding onto the belief system from my childhood that the man of the house was the one who was more important. The one who brings home the paycheck is the valid one. The one who takes care of hearth and home is valueless. Whew! That’s an old aspect that was definitely ready to come home.

I discovered to my great chagrin that I do very little that makes me happy in my life!

So I systematically went into my own energy and item by item I re-discovered what makes me happy. Not what makes me happy that’s about anyone else, but what truly makes ME happy. And I found that much too often I would not allow myself to experience these things for some old belief system or another that I was still carrying, especially aspects. Perhaps they were not really mine, yet they were having an impact on my life still. Again, many aspects showed up who were finished with those belief systems and came home.

You should seriously try this for yourself and see what you come up with. Here’s a couple of things in my life that I haven’t allowed myself to truly live all the time:

·         Exercising and working out makes me happy.

·         Being physically fit, lean, lithe and supple makes me happy.

·         Eating healthy, live foods that allow my body to be in balance makes me happy.

·         Healing my body through energy work makes me happy.

·         Allowing myself to live in joy makes me happy.

·         Making my own money makes me happy.

·         Receiving money makes me happy.

·         Spending money on myself makes me happy.

·         Cooking for someone makes me happy when it’s what I want to do, not when I don’t feel like doing it at the time!

·         Going for walks and drives makes me happy.

·         Keeping my car clean and in working order makes me happy.

·         Doing whatever the heck I want to do every day makes me happy.

·         Being around positive, upbeat people makes me happy.

·         Smiling at strangers and tourists and saying hello to anyone I meet along my jaunts makes me happy.

·         Living in my home town again makes me happy.

And so it goes.

What was so fascinating to me was that every time I came up with something that really and truly makes me happy I would then experience an energy that was around me that was about not allowing myself to have those experiences. May they be aspects or simply things that I’ve taken on during this time of being with such a negative person, they were there. And boy, were they ready to be done and be released!

Today I am feeling the magic of February 9^th and know that I’ve now come into a new phase of my life. This afternoon I’m getting new tires put on my car and my nails manicured. J

And what are the infinite possibilities?!

Focus on the Physical

March 28, 2009

I have been through so much internal integration and change over the last couple of months that it’s impossible to even begin to describe. For I’m in a place now where the changes are so personal and individual that it doesn’t matter what I would say because it’s my experience and not something that another would necessarily go through at all. So I’ve kept to myself and spent a great deal of time alone and breathing and allowing. And shifting my focus to the physical.

In the series of channels “Time Travel, Shaumbra in Egypt 2009” Tobias says the following:

“…Your body is usually the last thing to go in terms of the expansion of consciousness. It often drags behind the spirit, your human consciousness, your heart. So the body is dragging behind on some of this, trying to orient itself. Now when you insert excuses into your physical feelings, it actually tends to hold the body back. It’s a type of false excuse.

So I ask you to experience any of the pains that you’re having, any of the odd body feelings and the processes of eliminations that you might be a bit concerned about, sleeping patterns, eating patterns, any of these things, because your body is trying to catch up with the rest of you right now.  …”

From my years of doing ACCESS I already knew this about the lagging behind of the body. I had heard years earlier that it can take 3-5 years for the body to catch up, although I feel that this has greatly changed to be a lot less. Now, having done the majority of the work on myself spiritually and emotionally, I’m now focusing more on my physical expression than at any time in the last 10 years.

The greatest gift that I’ve given myself lately, well, over the last 2 months, is how I’m eating. I shifted from the Blood Type diet to the Genotype Diet which is about 10 years newer information and far more body specific rather than being about the blood type. There are subtle differences between these two but primarily for me the foundation of this eating is high protein and low carb. And the biggie for me was cutting out the wheat and dairy! After years of eating lots and lots of yogurt I was amazed at how different I felt when I wasn’t eating daily what my body was having a food intolerance for!

Over the last 2 months of this wonderfully supportive way of eating for myself I’ve been able to detox this body to a great extent. The way that I’ve experienced this is that those toxins that had accumulated in my joints due to food intolerance have now been released. Previously I had been experiencing lots of achy joint pains, feeling stiff and sore all the time, especially with even the slightest bit of exercise or movement. I always felt lethargic and most of all… OLD!

With these toxins leaving my body I am now able to move easily and I love this! I feel better every day and this is helping me with the weight loss as well as I’m able to keep the energies moving. It’s a heck of a lot easier to exercise when you feel good afterwards and recover quickly rather than feel like you’re an 80 year old woman trying to walk around the block!

What I am now allowing for myself is also described by Tobias in the Egypt channels:

“…No longer consider your body separate from your spirit. No longer consider your spirit high and above your body. For to continue on whichever way the path takes you, you must be one. One in body and mind and spirit, one in self, one in all of your chakras, no longer split and divided into different energy centers, but brought into one. For if you are to read the sacred and ancient scrolls and the prophesies of the past, they said it would be when those who came forth into oneness, not oneness with some higher unknown God but oneness unto themselves, when they were able to allow their spirit into their body and their body into their spirit and accept all things as oneness, when they were able to bring their sacred centers of energy known as chakras into one, when they were able to meld their mind into their heart and become one unto themselves, then those from the ancient past could release themselves from the very energies they have been holding. …”

What has never before been experienced in any time, space, reality or creation is this full integration of body, mind, soul and spirit. We are walking in new territory and no one truly knows what to expect or how to do it. We are all walking this path now as unified individuals and charting the way of the new human.

What I am finding quite interesting is that most of the time I feel more like I did at age 15, when I was meditating twice a day and loving myself and my life!  I feel like I’ve come full circle back to my true self and it’s quite fun.

I highly recommend the Egypt Time Travel channels by the way. They are very intense and quite life changing. There’s even a channel where the compilation of the Adamus energies talk the group through a time of Remote Viewing of their future… not something I would ever have expected from the Crimson Circle!

What I “saw” during this channel was magical and awesome and more than I could ever have believed possible. He also talks the group through bringing that future timeline back into the present reality. Woooeee!! To quote Adamus at the end of the channel:

“…You see, time travel is really quite easy. Oh, sooner or later you may be able to take not just your light body out there but your physical body as well. But it is really quite easy. It is going into the potentials.

It is setting the choices and bringing them back to Now. That is how reality is created.

This little exercise that we just did with our group time travel is more than just a game, more than just an illusion. You can actually see what a difference it makes in the events that start popping up in your life. …”

And how much fun is that?!

Focus on the Physical – Part 2

April 29, 2009

With the intensity of energies that came through via the March Equinox and the shifting and releasing of the old masculine energies over Easter, I have made tremendous strides in relation to my physical expression as the old energies are moving out box and barrel and making way for these new, high vibrational energies. The integration of it all continues at a furious pace.

Over the last month I’ve lost almost 6 inches from my body. I don’t have a scale so can only go by that type of measurement. J I’ve been watching my rib cage show up in the mirror and it’s great fun to see.

I am easily able to exercise again and am loving it! I did body building and lots of running and aerobics before my greatest injury, have missed that level of intensity of movement and now I am finally feeling my body come back. For so many years I felt like my body belonged to someone else and now it’s come home. My body type loves this type of intense exercise and just doing something like yoga alone never brought me the complete satisfaction that more intense exercise that gets the juices flowing does.

I am continuing to eat high protein and very little carbs. I also eat fruits and vegetables and any “bread” type foods is like rice cakes or something rice related. I have to say that I haven’t felt this overall good for years!! I love the way this way of eating feels like it’s the grandest support and nurturing for me and my body. It’s also easy, which is something that I love as well.

It’s been amazing to lose the stiffness, pain and achiness that I’ve lived with for so many years. When I was injured so badly with my whiplash injuries in the 90’s I lived with pain all the time. My entire lifestyle changed and there was so little that I could actually do. Yes, it turned my focus to the internal from the external, yet it was like a great part of myself died during that time.

Now that my body has de-toxified to such a huge extent, I am free of the residual achiness and stiffness and moving around is once more a pleasure. It feels more like my body is once again becoming the true expression and vessel for the divine being that I am!

One thing that I’d like to say here is that through all the injuries and set backs, there has NEVER been a moment that I didn’t believe that I would be able to heal and to fully recover. Never a moment of doubt, not even for a microsecond. I feel that this belief in myself and my body's abilities to heal has been foundational for me to be where I am now with my body and it just gets better from here.

On the spiritual side I’ve been taking the first steps to heal my personal sexual energy virus or SEV which is held in the masculine energy. This is absolutely the next step in my process and by healing this virus, I can truly become integrated and united.

Doing this work I had a trauma point come up that surprised me and stayed with me for a couple of days. This was the form of re-experiencing an injury to the ribs on my right side that I had forgotten. This was an injury I received as a very young child, so I found myself going deep into the emotional side of this as well as the abuse energies of it before it made it’s way all the way through me. Then it shifted and it was about the Adam’s rib energies which was very bizarre… should there be any truth to the Adam giving up one rib for Eve, then I know what it felt like for him to lose that part of himself!

The new energies coming in are playing havoc with my eyesight and I keep having to change prescriptions on my contact lenses. One moment I can see fine and then next I can’t see well out of one eye or the other. When it’s my left eye I feel like there’s things that my feminine do not want to see. When it’s the right side I wonder what it is that my masculine can’t bear to see. A slight change of energy between the two, just interesting. Right now there is a huge amount of old Atlantis energy coming up and those Wounds of Isis and Adam are really coming to the surface. To learn more about these woundings, Tobias has done various channels about them and they can be found in the Shaumbra Shoppe at www.crimsoncircle.com.

I have finally made my way completely clear of the dynamics that have been playing out with my now roommate these last almost 8 years. Wooeeee!!! Talk about a damn relief! He may always be a part of my life and that’s ok, I have moved on and it feels really good. We will no longer be a daily part of each other’s lives by the end of this year, most likely much sooner, and it’s way past time.

It’s time for those New Energy partners to come in, for the next phase of experience is about those New Energy relationships, healthy relationships free of lessons and karma. And how can one tell someone else about what that’s like until they’ve brought that into their life first? This is what I’m choosing for myself and the potentials are already showing up for me. I am ready for a balanced and integrated relationship because I’ve done the integration of myself first. I am whole by myself and what will it be like to share a life with someone who’s in my life just to have fun and enjoy being together? I’m going to find that out. J

And what are the infinite possibilities of that?

The Day After Graduation

June 7, 2009

Saturday was the day of Graduation with the Tobias Materials and the Crimson Circle group… approximately 500,000 years of agreements and contracts came to completion over the last week, most of those dating from about 2,000 years ago. And frankly, I’m burned out right now.

Yesterday I felt a myriad of energies, one minute peace and tranquility and the next minute tension and anxiety. I’ve had a lot of judgment coming my way over the last 2 weeks about my lifestyle and that’s been from people who don’t have a clue about what I’ve consciously been creating for myself. Yet, it must have been happening for a reason, because there was quite a “charge” on those judgments and it took me a few days to dig out from under them.

With the completion of the Shaumbra agreements, sounds like a peace accord or something, I came to the end of a way of living. I came to the end of my original purpose for this life and I came to the end of the last residue of old energy.

And as this ending approached, I chose to slow down my life, to take more time to sit in my swing and look at the mountains, and to let go of the implant that I’ve carried for such a long time around “you have to do something in order to be of value.”

I don’t have that particular energetic implant anymore, yet when I was inundated with those judgments from someone in my life, I sure had the echo of those implants activated.

“How dare I do nothing but sit on my butt now? How dare I stay home on Mondays when everyone around me goes to work? How dare I believe for one minute that I don’t have to work to have money flow to me easily!”

Bleh!!

I could easily say that my life has changed more in the last 2 weeks than in the last 2 months, easily. I had an old agreement with someone that I loved from the times of Atlantis and before, who came for a visit awhile back. He brought with him the opportunity for me to look at another path, to see where I’ve travelled and to give me a glimpse of a potential future.

It was not a comfortable experience for me, nor was his energy at all comfortable for me. What his visit did do though, was to trigger a massive shift of energies out of the old and into the new. And to completely highlight the life that I have now as opposed to the life that I have been desiring to have and longing to have, all of which was keeping me from actually living the life that I have now!

I am choosing to live the life that I have right now. To enjoy each moment, since I did create it after all. ;-) I am finished with the wishing and hoping for something else, as since I don’t have that something else already, then my soul obviously didn’t want me to have it anyway!

And because the last ten years have been a 24/7 intense workshop with the Tobias Materials, time that the angels themselves thought would take us humans at least two lifetimes to get through, I’m taking the rest of the summer off from personal work.

I am taking time to catch up with myself and see who I am and what conscious choices I want to make now that all these contracts and agreements are completed. I can totally relate to the woman at the last shoud who stood up at the end and said:

SHAUMBRA 12: I’m like a … it’s … you know, but it’s been like this for, you know, practically my whole life. I feel kind of like a conscious Forrest Gump. (laughter) You know, like “Go here,” “Oh, okay, I’ll go there,” you know, and it’s wonderful. It really is. And right now I’m not doing anything except walking my dog. I’m not working. I have money. It’s not an issue. And my question …

TOBIAS: I would love for you to, when you get a chance, to explain that more to Shaumbra, because they still don’t understand. They think they have to busy taking care of everybody else, struggling through life, and, if you don’t mind me sharing, one of the things that you learned a while back was, it doesn’t matter. You let go of…

SHAUMBRA 12: I thought I didn’t give a shit. You know? (lots of laughter from audience and Tobias) I really did. Truthfully.

TOBIAS: (chuckling) We all have ways of expressing ourselves, but yes. Yes.

SHAUMBRA 12: You know, so you go along in your life, and to explain it to another person without them really wanting to hear it or understand it, why would I do that?

TOBIAS: So often they actually are either jealous or suspicious. (laughter) They don’t understand. And of course many are making mental notes right now about perhaps how lucky you might be or … but it’s not that. At one point, as you know, in the past – not this lifetime, but in the past – you had the experience many others are now having. You hit the bottom, and what do you do when you hit the bottom? Well, you let go. You absolutely have to let go.

SHAUMBRA 12: Yeah, you surrender.

TOBIAS: Absolutely surrender. Perhaps not even knowing to what, but when you surrender, you’re actually doing that to yourself. And you gave yourself the gift of surrendering or saying, “It doesn’t matter. What will be will be. Who I am, I am already.” You gave yourself that gift and you just flowed right back into this lifetime and have been abiding by that guiding light the rest of your life. Now, no doubt there are challenges in your life …

SHAUMBRA 12: Certainly.

TOBIAS: … and they are ones that you have set up for a variety of reasons. But at the core you have one of these basically low-stress, gliding lives. Now, there are some who say, “But then you’re not earning your way. You’re not … ‘no pain, no gain.’” But that’s a game they’re still playing. You’re allowing yourself to enjoy life.

SHAUMBRA 12: But on the other hand, the struggle for some people, and for myself where I have my struggles, are a part of it, because it’s the game that I play and the game we all play.

TOBIAS: But let’s take a look at the struggles. How many of the struggles are about you, and how many are about other people?

SHAUMBRA 12: Well, they’re probably … the ones about me … well, the ones about other people (laughter) … none about me! (laughing)

TOBIAS: Indeed. There are very, very few about you.

SHAUMBRA 12: Very few about me. But I take on the ones of other people so I have them to experience.

TOBIAS: Indeed. And you take them on with a certain grace and a certain … but also a certain animosity. (laughter) But …

SHAUMBRA 12: True.

TOBIAS: But you’re making a choice to take those on, and I would say, probably about 75 percent of the time, you’re conscious that you’re taking those on. So you’re aware that you’re letting that come into your life, so at the end of the day it’s still not – how to say – overwhelming.

SHAUMBRA 12: Okay, but when people take on struggles, whatever they have, if their life is harder than mine or whatever … but that’s their journey. Right?

TOBIAS: Indeed.

SHAUMBRA 12: And it’s okay.

TOBIAS: Indeed.

SHAUMBRA 12: It’s all okay.

TOBIAS: Indeed.

SHAUMBRA 12: Okay. (laughter) Okay! (she shouts) Right, so you really can’t … you can teach, in a way, by example and for what people want to take from you.

 

And what are the infinite possibilities for my life now?

Living Safe and Fearless

July 15, 2009

I've been dancing with some energies lately and have had some interesting insights and gigantic breakthroughs.

One thing that I've realized is that my body and mind are reacting to these new energies coming in now with fear and trepidation. Because our bodies are still operating with their old primitive behavior systems, anything that is unknown and previously not experienced is considered to be a threat.

So, in other words, my body doesn't feel safe and my mind doesn't know what's happening! And when in doubt, run like hell or hide!!!

This causes my body to try to protect me, with everything from withdrawing from others, putting on weight as a buffer/barrier, keeping me way too sensitive to the energies of others so that I can be aware of any potential threats immediately, always having to transmute any negativity around me so that I can be comfortable and “feel” safe, being so tired and listless that I don’t want to go out and interact with others or get any exercise and so on. For more info on the weight connection see the Jon Gabriel book, "The Gabriel Method". For an interesting thing to play with, when you get a craving for sugar or just feel hunger, drink a glass of water and then wait ten minutes and see if you still have the hunger or craving. Our bodies now are seriously dehydrated and are trying to get our attention. Our primitive programming screams hunger because our foods used to be far higher in water content.

It's also been acting on my mind to create a fear of things like abundance and in being seen and recognized, i.e. successful out in the world. Again, various forms of threats and threat reactions that result in I can’t be harmed if I can’t be found.

And while these don't necessarily make any rational sense, they are nonetheless what is "real" to my body and mind.

So I sit every single day and breathe in my I AM space and I let my body and mind know that we're safe. And in that space I am open to the aspects that show up that are afraid and who don't know what's going on. I listen for the voice of my inner child and ask what it needs from me in order to feel safe and live safe. In the Sedona channels from Kryon he talks about how greatly important this inner child connection is for us now. Sedona One: "Becoming Quantum" and Sedona Two: “How I See You…”. At the time of this blog both of these are only available via audio.

These new energies coming in to earth now have never been here before, they are a total unknown quantity. So of course my body would automatically go to a place of fear in the unknown that is pretty much standard operating procedure in our still relatively primitive human programming.

I began the process of changing this programming a long time ago via ACCESS and so it continues. In the latest Tobias channels from Romania, “Reunion” he talks one through the receiving, only by choice mind you, of the new programming that is now available to upgrade humans for the first time in hundreds of thousands of years! He talks about what this means in terms of our minds and our bodies and it’s quite exciting.

And I'm happy to say that this daily meeting of body, mind and self is helping me tremendously. I've done some incredible energy work with Sarah Biermann and Rosanne Dourado that have uncovered other areas of fear triggers and every day is easier and far less limited.

For living fearless is about living without limitation and definition and all about going beyond. And self sabotage for me has had it's basis in fear and not feeling safe in this new and evolving energy environment that has no basis for comparison with anything I’ve ever lived before!

We are all traveling an unknown land now and we have no previous experience according to our mind and bodies to help us to know and acknowledge that we are free and sovereign and above all, fearless! (And that living fearless goes back to Shoud 7: Eating the Elephant!)

We are completely in it now, there’s no going back. And what’s needed now is being at peace with where we are, even when we don’t have a frickin’ clue in this beyond!! Knowing that no matter what comes to our door we are always, always safe. And that all is well and will be well with our souls.

And what are the infinite possibilities?!

Big Changes Ahead?

Aug 6, 2009

I have just come through one of the most bizarre transitions that I can remember. Three weeks of weirdness and dissociation from my life, feeling like I was living life AS another aspect and not liking it one bit!

There are two incredible articles that hit it on the head with what I was experiencing and with what may be now happening for all of us who have been waiting…and waiting…and waiting…and nothing seemed to be happening. In my opinion, these two are a must read for these times.

The first one is by Lauren C. Gorgo, appropriately called “Post Eclipse Survival”.

“…Just prior to, during and following the longest solar eclipse of the 21st century, there was a massive energetic centrifuge of divine love that was built and held around many of the old patriarchal planetary structures that have been gradually dismantling.

This centrifuge acted as an energetic separation container, a protective armor for the falling reality systems of masculine imbalance to prevent any unnecessary damage to the human psyche during this very powerful event.

Because so much energy was required to sustain this electromagnetic force field, the help and willing participation of wayshowers across the planet was summonsed for July 22nd and to assist in the divine plan. This soul-level participation enabled the activation of copious amounts of love though the divine feminine to hold the space for, and to counterbalance a massive masculine heart-opening. …”

The second article is by Karen Bishop, called “The Re-Calibration With a Very New Plan”.

“…The sequestering phase is an interesting one, I must say. For me, I experienced an entire harem of my star family in the non-physical, hanging in my space for several days, basically removing me from any outside experiences, influences, or interaction. I had been airlifted off the planet (while still being here, of course), as a very distinct ending had occurred. And a huge ending it was. Our entire experience thus far on this planet since our birth this time around, has now been very much completed. It is very over indeed. We have been decidedly removed from what is now occurring with the remainder of the planet. …”

My sequestering began about two weeks ago with feelings of disorientation and feeling not quite present in my life, like I was suddenly living as an aspect. My roommate left town for an extended trip on Friday, the 17^th so I was basically by myself for over a week. During this time I had almost no contact with anyone in the physical.

When the latest Harry Potter movie came out I really wanted to go see it. I tried to go see it every day for the first week or so. I would get partially dressed and then go into a full blown panic attack. Initially I fought this feeling and then I just gave up. My body did not want me leaving the house!

This same type of panic happened when the phone rang or someone wanted to contact me online. I absolutely could not handle having any contact with anyone during that period of time! So I stayed home, did a lot of sitting in my porch swing, and a fair amount of weird crying.

And then on Sunday evening a week ago, I suddenly said out loud, “Well, it’s time to get back to business” and the I’m-living-as-someone-else feeling vanished with a kind of pop or snapping sound… bizarre…

What’s happening now is I am feeling massive shifts taking place still, somewhere else. I feel stuck and resistant to the energies around me in my physical life like never before. I can’t even see one area where any energy is moving at all! I have moments where I feel I will never experience another shift or change in my life, that I will always be in this same space for eternity, and it’s quiet unsettling. Some days are quite heavy in the intensity of energy and other days are more peaceful. Mostly I just feel like I’m trying to fight my way out of a plastic bag and getting nowhere!

I am staying up at night far later than I ever have, as this is when I am finally able to sit and breathe and find some measure of myself. I have been stating emphatically that I’m done with the fear lessons and experiences and that I quit. That is my soul doesn’t at least bring me some of the things that *I* want and desire in my life then it’s Hasta-la-vista Baby!!

I can only hope that all of this dis-sociative feeling is because some really wonderful things are being put in place for me, because if not, I think I might turn into a turnip. LOL!! I am so done with waiting for anyone else to catch up and if I have to wait any longer for things to change… maybe I’ll lose my mind or something. And those are some of the crazy things that are running through my mind and now I’m going to go swing some more.

Here's another interesting article from someone going through more craziness, Nancy Leilah Ward, Soul Transitions Vibe Report August 2009.

Hang in there, it’s got to get better than this!

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