TOBIAS: Indeed! (laughter) You compromise yourself when you search outside of you for the answers. You compromise yourself when you are always giving in to other people and letting them come and feed on you. You compromise yourself when you have a core belief or a core passion, something that excites you but you’re afraid to expose it to the world so you notch it back twenty gears. You compromise yourself when you know something, but then the doubt comes in. You hold back.

You know what happens when you hold back energy in the New Energy? It comes out anyway. It will explode, it doesn’t matter. It wants the joy of expression. It wants the joy of expansion. And if you hold it back because you’re compromising yourself, it’s going to come out anyway. And Saint-Germain and I will have come in and have to pick up all the pieces, try to put you back together, Humpty Dumpty. (some laughter)

No compromising! Do not compromise your core values. Again this doesn’t mean don’t cooperate with others, but there have been too many times recently, in the last couple years, where we are watching you, we are tuning in to you and we see you are so lit up, so excited, so in a knowingness, but the moment you walk out that door of your house, you compromise yourself. Why? Maybe you don’t believe in yourself strongly enough. Maybe you haven’t developed that relationship with yourself. Maybe you distrust yourself. Maybe you’re afraid of the world outside of you is going to crush you, is going to ridicule you. Well they’re already ridiculing you anyway. What does it matter now?! (laughter, Tobias chuckling) This has to do with being true to yourself. Being true to your Self. …”

Point of need is how I refer to that moment when you need something and it shows up for you in divine time. You truly don’t need it any sooner than when it shows up and it shows up when you are divinely ready to receive it. I am learning how to live in that flow of energy moment to moment and am slowly getting my feet wet in trusting how this all works. And above all, trusting my soul self that all is always well and will be well in every moment.

"... We tell you that is more difficult to do because your ideas and concepts of miracles put limitations on spirit’s fulfillment of them. Many times when you say, “I want this so I need to be specific. I have to say exactly what it is I want, I have to mention the color, how much it will cost and all the details.” But specifics are the old energy. You actually limit spirit’s fulfillment of your dreams when you are specific. Grab the essence of your heart energy around that creation and let spirit fulfill it for you, because it will fulfill it in ways that will grow with you and not limit you to your belief systems. Those are the possibilities that are starting to happen right now. ..."

And how does it get any better than this?!

My Spiritual Crisis

November 1, 2008

In the channel from Tobias given in June of this year in Sedona, Arizona called, “The Beauty of Life” he talks about a spiritual crisis that many would be going through sometime in the next two years.

“… In the next approximately two years many, many of you who are sitting here today are going to go through yet another spiritual crisis. (someone in the audience shouts, causing much laughter from audience and Tobias) We didn’t say all, we said many! (more laughter) Now, I’m bringing this up today so that it doesn’t startle you. This is not anything that’s being inflicted on you from anybody else and this will not be like the other crises that you’ve gone through in the past. The spiritual crisis that is coming up for you is a final clearing, is a final getting you into the deepest level of truth. As was talked about the other day it is a house cleaning and organizing at the deepest and most profound levels.

The spiritual crisis will bring you to the core of yourself, but it won’t be physical like some of the other ones have. It won’t be about abundance or relationships, like some of the other ones have and it won’t take months or years of time. Most of you will encounter the spiritual crisis and work your way through it in less than a week. It will come fast and it will come hard, and it will come out of what appears to be nowhere. It will come into the things or thing that you fear most in your life, because that is the weakest area of your consciousness, and it will hit hard.

We’re sharing this with you now so you understand and we’re asking you to do something very special.

Don’t avoid it. Don’t run from it. Don’t manipulate it. Don’t feed yourself a full line of fancy words to try to distract yourself from it. Feel it and live it and experience it. Don’t try to apply fancy programs or fancy systems or lotions or massages or any of these other things. Live through it raw and it will go fast.

You see, consciousness is changing at such a rate right now and your own, what you would call, intent or desire, your own deep commitment to service on the planet right now, is going to bring about this clearing. You’ll get through it. It can feel hellish or nightmarish for a very short period of time, but you’ll get through it.

When you are going through this spiritual crisis, which is all about belief systems – belief systems are some of the most difficult things to evolve into a new consciousness – when you’re going through this understand that you have the tools within yourself right now. You have already worked out the solution. That doesn’t mean you’re not going to feel the enormity of the spiritual crisis, it just means that the solution is already there.

Doesn’t mean that you’re exempt from it, it just means that you’ll come out the other side.

The spiritual crisis will have you look at some of the most difficult and challenging things that are in your mind. In your mind. It will go into the mind because it is helping you get beyond the mind. It won’t go for this thing that you call the heart or the emotions because right now, more than anything in your evolution, it is about you going beyond, and a new knowingness that doesn’t come from out there. A new way of knowing and feeling things that is not limited to here.

During this process that you go through, please understand that we will be there, for you are never alone.

We will understand what you are going through, perhaps the torment or the agony, wanting to scream, thinking that this is reason for wanting to leave Earth and the physical body. We will be there, but it is your experience.

It is your process.

For some of those who are questioning this right now and saying, “But it doesn’t have to be this way,” it is a way right now that… we are looking at your energy and energies of other consciousness workers, we’re looking at the large, large shift that is taking place right now. We are looking at the way energy moves and works. You know, when you were a young child you were climbing a tree and you fell out, you fell off the tree; you were riding a bicycle down the street and you bashed into a wall; you were out playing with other kids and you got whacked on the head and it knocked you out?

Those were ways for your physical body, your physical reality to bring in a large quantity of your spirit energy. You had to go out for a minute. Oh, perhaps new wisdom will find a better way to do it but that is the way it’s been done for a long, long time. We call it “bump and fill.” (much laughter) You all experienced it and more than once. Just recently Sam experienced it and I’ll never forget the cussing and the swearing and the cursing but I also know a little bit of me went into him when this happened.

It is somewhat the same way, moving to the next purer level of consciousness while embodied here on Earth. Spiritual crisis allows a very fast cleansing, a very fast influx of the divine into your life. …”

The first time that I read this I had the thought to myself that how could there be anything more than what seems to happen every few weeks or so already? It’s been one thing after another for me for the last ten years so I couldn’t imagine anything happening that would be greater or more in-depth than something I’ve already experienced!

Hoooeeee!!! Was I ever wrong!!!!

On Sunday the 19^th of October I lay down in the afternoon to do my Standard Technology breathing and woke up feeling dizzy and disoriented like I’d somehow moved into a whole new reality... very Twilight Zone-like! I knew in that moment that I’d experienced a kind of Timeline Rewind back two years and a voice kept telling me that I had to go back and pick up some parts of myself before I could go forward any further.

The closest analogy to what this rewind was like has to do with how we “see” the light of the stars. The light that we see actually is from millions of years ago and it’s just now coming to our perception.

What my rewind was about was connecting once again with my Soul Family and feeling their energy once again, like looking at the stars and following the light back to the beginning. I had actually begun this process two years ago and it was so painful for me that I stopped. I now had to walk fully into it and go through whatever energies that were triggered for me. And this experience began with finally receiving the “light” of my soul family that had been sent out those millions of years ago yet I was just now receiving it. This spiritual crisis was about walking back down that energy line and feeling those energies back to the beginning, yet also seeing what was now the reality in that place as well.

So those first energies that I received were their grief and sadness that I had left the Kingdom. This put me into a place of deep mourning myself and also abject apology that I caused so much pain and heartache for them. I begged and pleaded for forgiveness and really felt how awful this choice of mine was for my soul family. I felt so deeply that nothing I had accomplished was worth the pain that I’d caused.

I was in that place for a few days when I met with my energy group on Tuesday of that week. This is a group of four energy Masters that I call the Nhahyu Group and we work on various things that come up. We had been initially formed a very long time ago to help put a stop to certain things that were happening in the galaxy and were the representatives from four very different types of beings. On earth now we had found each other and come together to acknowledge that we had fulfilled our agreements from that first grouping. This was actually a huge accomplishment!!

While talking with the group we came to the realization that an aspect of ourselves had been held hostage so that we would continue to do this spiritual work until a resolution could be found. Together we were able to open the “jail cells” where these aspects were being held and to free them. Each one of us had a different perception and experience of what that was like.

My particular aspect was a small child perhaps about 10-12 years of age. She was mal-nourished and wouldn’t look at me at all. She was sitting on the floor in a corner of her cell with her knees drawn up to her chest with her head down. She only said two things to me when I freed her… one being, “What took you so long?” and the other was, “Don’t forget the other one.”

As I was integrating this freed aspect I was thrown once more into the energies of my soul family and felt extreme grief that this journey took so long to accomplish. And that fact hurt me deeply to realize. I felt their pain and I felt my own as well. If I had known how long it was going to take and the price that I would pay I would never have begun.

Following the group conversation I talked briefly with Sarah Biermann, who is one of the group, about my soul family and especially how those energies have been mirrored for me in this life. She suggested that rather than close myself off to those soul family representatives in this life to instead open and receive that connection because it’s a part of me. That trying to cut off my feelings for the one who was my soul mate is like trying to cut off an arm or leg.

It was the allowing of this flowing of energies through those open conduits and pathways that really helped me feel the energies of my soul family and step into the next level of clarity and perception.

I continued to go deep into these energies for days, primarily when I was doing my Standard Technology breathing and what was coming to the surface was really painful, more so than anything I’d ever experienced. And so much of this pain was centered in my throat for some reason and triggered massive separation grief.

Then, as I continued to walk back down that energy line of my soul family I slowly began to realize that they didn’t mourn for me for very long. I came to see that gradually over time many of them went away, many died off so to speak, and the rest just … moved on.

Eventually I came to a place along the timeline where I found that lost and forgotten aspect of myself that the hostage aspect had reminded me of and it was like seeing Han Solo encased in carbonite in Star Wars!

This aspect been frozen in time and space and put away in a closet while my soul family went about their own lives! This realization had a huge impact on me because I was finally able to understand why in this life I had always felt somewhat “frozen” in a particular way when it came to doing everything I’ve been doing over the last ten years. And even though I’ve done so very much, when I looked at and thought about the ones I left behind it was like they were frozen in the moment that I left them. Very illuminating!

So I retrieved this aspect and once more went into the energies that were frozen in the moment of my being encased in that way. I then went deeper into that and allowed myself to be damn angry that I’d been forgotten and everyone else had moved on, including the love of my life in that reality. I suddenly felt like everything that I’ve done, which was all about helping my soul family, was for nothing!!!!

Anger, pain, heartache, despair…. You name it and I felt it. For two days I was deep into a dark energy of what the hell have I been doing all of this for anyway? If no one gives a damn about me then I don’t need to be doing this painful journey anymore and so on. I felt such huge betrayal because in this life I’d stayed in integrity with my soul family by doing everything that I could to help them and they had not honored me in the same way. I had come back for them in this life as soon as I could and they no longer felt the same way about me as I felt about them! I had become someone that they just used to know and not someone that they missed on a daily basis and longed for in their lives.

And then I allowed myself to free my own frozen perceptions of my soul family and to acknowledge that they’d moved on without me and it was ok. I was able to move forward in time with them and see how things had changed and know that it was not done with malice or to hurt me, it just was what it was.

So I was then able to realize how I’ve continued to punishing myself in this life for all the choices that I made that I felt had caused my family such pain and was the result of my leaving the Kingdom to do this work in the first place. This was mirrored for me in this physical life when I had to leave the life and the family by marriage that I had up until 1998. I took a long hard look at my life and saw how I was punishing myself because I honored the agreement I made before coming into this incarnation that should the energies shift around the millennium, and humanity make a choice for something other than total annihilation, I would leave my life and go out and take the next steps of ascension. Even though I never for a moment believe it would come to that, I still kept my word to do this!

I was punishing myself though, for honoring that agreement to do this work, by not receiving the real fruits of everything that I’ve worked so long and hard to achieve in this life! I also believed that my soul family representatives on this earth were judging me for doing this as well, and not in a good way.

I had somehow believed that because the price for this agreement was so costly to those that I love, I would in no way benefit from the experience on a personal level by having love and abundance in all ways.

I was also punishing myself by creating a very high level of sensitivity to the energies around me, coming from people and taking on anything that came my way. This was a horrible thing to realize and when I came to a place of forgiving myself for that part, life suddenly became a great deal more comfortable for me.

I have to say that this whole process was the most intense and personal experience that I’ve ever had. I was not able to do much on a day to day basis other than simply feel everything that I was going through. My focus was so narrow and internal that I couldn’t even say what was happening outside of myself during that time because nothing else existed. I lived in this place of introspection and feeling for about a week before I felt like I could come up and look around. I could barely interact with another human and honestly, I really didn’t want to talk to anyone.

I finally began to come out of this on Sunday, the 26^th, which was a “1” day numerologically. Add together the 10 from the month, the 2+6 from the day which makes 8, plus the 2+8 from the year and you have 1+8+1=10 which is “1”. A day of new beginnings for sure. This was the day that I began to come back to myself and seriously do some heavy forgiveness work.

The next day was a day of two “1’s” as I looked at it. 10+9+10=11… not a “2” day but a day of 2 -1’s was how I preferred to experience it. And the day after that was a day of 3 “1’s”. Which led to my birthday on the 29^th which was a day of 4 “1’s”.

The 29^th of October was a day of 1111 for me, or 11:11 and it truly was a day of new beginnings for me. I finally felt that I was out the other side of the spiritual crisis and able to step into a new life, a new way of receiving and a new way of living.

During a conversation that I had with my friend Rosanne on the 28^th we were talking about my soul family and how I really didn’t have one anymore. It was small to begin with and now was pretty much disbanded. She told me that there were a great many Arcturians who were stepping forward to be my new soul family if I would simply allow myself to have them!

So I now have a massive new soul family and I’m getting to know them. I feel a wonderful family foundation under my feet for the first time in my life and my life is all new and shiny in this place. I have a joy that fills me most of the time because I can finally allow myself to enjoy where I am and what I’ve accomplished without feeling like I’m taking something away from someone else. I am free of guilt about having taken so damn long to get to this place and I am free of any residual contracts or agreements to even do this spiritual work anymore. Each day brings me new energies of feeling free and released from all those old energies and I really love my life now!

This place where I am now living my life is one of the freedom and sovereignty that I have been working so hard to discover. And it feels magical, full of marvelous potentials and most of all, full of joy.

And how does it get any better than this?!

And So It Begins

October 12, 2008

It’s certainly been an interesting week and will most likely continue like this for some time to come. The shoud “Farewell to Power” from October 4^th by Adamus St. Germaine was blunt and to the point that the shit hitting the fan that we’ve been waiting and somewhat training for, is now happening.

Even though I’ve been essentially preparing for this time personally for at least the last ten years, part of me never really thought that it would happen. I held visions of the separation continuing with the Old Earth and the New Earth and since nothing further had been said about this via the shouds, I assumed that it was still the preeminent timeline. At some point I would either leave the earth or simply move energetically to the New Earth.

Yet now we are told that the New Earth is indeed going to happen here on the Old Earth. This could only be happening because enough people have a) made the choice to take that leap of faith into a new world, and b) those who have been so consciously working within the New Energy are creating a reality where we don’t have to “leave” the Old Earth in order to have this new reality of bringing Home to us.

Personally again, I never thought that enough people would be making the choice to change their lives and open their consciousness that this would be able to come into this reality. Yet, we’re on the timeline now for a massive awakening to occur around the 21^st of December of this year.

So it is happening and so I’ve been finding myself deeply pondering how I would like my emerging reality to manifest during the four years of this massively changing world. To what extent do I wish to experience the downfall? How much do I wish to feel the fear and anxiety being wildly generated by pretty much every other living soul on this planet? How much do I wish to put myself out there as a living example that it’s possible to survive and get through what’s happening? How much do I wish to share with others that there is another way and all can indeed always be well?

I actually had to laugh during the shoud when Adamus began talking about that part of the role that Shaumbra will be playing is simply to listen to people.

“...I’m going to ask each one of you to remember to trust yourself, to understand that you don’t need power, that you don’t need that old energy. I’m going to ask each one of you to stand up and be the messenger that you are. You’ve endured many hard years of your own preparation for exactly the time we are living in. You are the ones who they are going to come to for listening. Listening. They’ll need somebody that will just listen to them – not spewing out rhetoric, not performing any certain type of rituals or crystal healings or any of the rest of that. They’re going to need a listener.

They’re going to need somebody to help them to breathe because, as Tobias has said before, they’re going to be in a state of shock. They are going to think they are living in an apocalyptic time. It will feel that way for many. But again, mark my words here, I’m not predicting the end of the world, I’m predicting grand changes and I’m predicting the dissolving of power. ...”

For sometime now I’ve been desiring to have more personal contact with people and having made the decision to no longer facilitate messages I was feeling a void. So I danced with the energies over the last couple of months and finally had come to the place of offering the “Talk to Me” on my website. I had already begun putting this in place when I heard the above from Adamus.

One of the talents and abilities that I have with my personal energies that people should be aware of is that I embody those energies of Home and being safe. Therefore, when someone connects with my energy they are able to experience this energy and it can facilitate a great releasing of stuck energies for them. This is a huge part of what’s been embedded in the messages that I’ve facilitated for the last 10 years and this energy will be more fully present when someone steps up and decides that they’d like to talk to me.

I am also a wonderful listening! One of the things that’s always amazed me in my life is how few times one person will actually listen to another. It’s usually the case in a conversation that one person is adamant about getting their own point across and will not even allow for the other person to have a say. Ever watch those political discussion shows on television? Woooeee!!!! Or when the other person does have a chance to have input, it is not really listened to or paid any attention. There’s a great energetic imbalance in most conversations and I find this a bit sad.

And how many times have you felt that you just needed to talk something out? You don’t need someone to “fix” you, you just want to verbalize the solutions for yourself!

You don’t need someone telling you what you should or shouldn’t do, you are perfectly capable of perceiving your own answers as those answers are always present in your life. Yet, there are those times when they can be a bit obscured and having someone to talk things over with is just the ticket.

Here I am and I’m listening!

What are the infinite possibilities?

Standard Technology and Integrity

September 29, 2008

Last year around August or so, a woman on the Crimson Circle message board accused me privately of stealing information from “Standard Technology” and presenting it as mine. She was referencing a post that I had done on the board where I talk about choosing to merge with my soul and surrender to that higher vibration of self.

This was all very interesting since I had not attended any Standard Technology workshops nor was the series available at that time on CD. She was saying that I had “stolen” information given to me by her via email because she had just attended a workshop and I had “put it out there” as my own creation and inner discovery.

I “called” her on this accusation publicly on the board and as Sherlock Holmes would say, “the game was afoot.”

Publicly she backpedaled quite a bit and said something entirely different than what she posted privately. Then later I received another private email where she stated that everything she was saying was about her and was not mine at all.

Yet, she continued to play out this drama on the message board about stealing information and demanding that Standard Technology be given it’s due like it was a person or something and I deeply regret that I played her little game with her. She was stealing energy, seeking validation and recognition via the public forum because at that point in her life she was not receiving this in her home life. She was playing out a drama as the Standard Technology Police, as I refer to her, and the energy underlying all of this was horrible!

I felt hugely manipulated and compromised by this at the time and since then I thought that I had worked through it as best I could, moving energies, trying to understand what the hell it was all about and blocking her from any further attempts to communicate with me and dump anything else on me. I have experienced this duality in what she posts publicly and what she posts privately from my very first communication with her from over 3 years ago and I was done with it all.

Over the last two weeks I’ve finally been able to listen to the Standard Technology teachings and from the very first words I have been experiencing a tremendous, full blown in-your-face anger around this series. I admit that this underlying anger has kept from listening to this series up until now and it did it’s best to try and stop me from listening now! And it wasn’t until almost the very last CD that Tobias says that there is energy embedded in the CD’s that will trigger and activate whatever it is that you need to deal with and finally release.

So I am dealing with a lot of anger about compromising myself in a variety of ways and expressions. Anger about backing down when my integrity was called into question because this ##### was seeking aggrandizement and energy feeding that came at what felt like my expense. Calling my own integrity into question when it was her integrity that should have been in question. Yes, I played the game and I am working at forgiving myself for that part I played, however unwillingly. Yet, the anger at this drama remained and I’m still sorting through the layers that form that foundation. This whole setup was the playing out of something that I’m still at times in the dark about and it’s been hanging on to me for way too long. It was such bullshit!!!

I have since been doing the daily 30 minute Standard Technology breathing and have been able to release many pockets of anger that have long been sitting in my body. Deep wounding from a variety of sources lies under the anger and these are the wounds that really cut deep into my identity of myself and lie at the core of what keeps me from trusting my self and fully surrendering to my self, loving myself fully which then brings about the greatest level of healing. So much of my life has been about compromising my integrity and identity at such huge costs!

For the majority of my early life I created experiences that would bring me these deep wounds so that I would then be able to empathize with others who have gone through the same experiences. This is the whole theory behind the “Wounded Healer” philosophy… that you can not truly understand someone when you are facilitating moving energy with them unless you’ve gone through something likewise.

Harsh, harsh stuff, but that’s what we set up before coming into this life. It sure does lead one to distrust whatever choices you make when those choices lead to pain and heartache.

Today, the 29^th of September, is a day of beginning also to heal planetary sexual wounds and these can also sit in the body as anger as they are shared by mass consciousness and are globally programmed. When a woman engages in a sexual encounter with someone and it’s not entirely her full will, then it takes on the energy of rape and this is held in the body in many energetic forms. One of which is anger.

The Masculine energies have long desired to merge with and take into themselves the Goddess feminine energies and they vary in their approach to this. When it’s seduced into being given or then even taken by force, it is an abomination and does not even remotely have the desired affect.

That Goddess Feminine energy can be turned and twisted and become something to be feared, hated, treated with distrust and sought out to be destroyed or abolished. Unless the Goddess energies are given and then received by free will choice they can become an energy that is compromised and are not pure and divine any longer. They become hollow, empty and very unfulfilling. Many times the masculine energies will respond with abuse and condemnation of the feminine that there’s something wrong with “her” that those energies do not fulfill the masculine as desired.

These types of energetic interactions set up wounds in the body and intense emotions are attached to them, especially energies of judgment and shame and blame. The energies are slowly revealed as we become more and more emotionally and spiritually clear and healed and now it’s the body’s turn and humanities turn to release these long stored energies for all time.

These types of energies are coming up now during this incredible time of shifts and changes in greater intensity. Masculine energies are reacting to this exposure of what they may perceive as their own failings, inadequacies or weaknesses by increased violence and rejection of the feminine while trying to maintain even tighter control over the feminine energies. We could see a lot more of this over the next year or so… seemingly unexplainable actions and reactions targeted towards killing or finally suppressing the feminine.

The feminine energies are angry at being denied, at being damaged and disrespected, at being submerged and at being ignored, their voices silenced. The masculine energies also have a deep distrust of the knowing and intuition expressed via the feminine energies to such an extent that they do not listen much of the time to what is being spoken and shared by the feminine energies. Yet, they also don’t fully trust their own intuition either.

These are all long time energies that can no longer be left to trigger humans and much will be coming to light in relation to these foundational behaviors.

In the meantime, the best that one can do is work on themselves and seek out those deep wounds for healing and exposure to another reality based on being in balance with the masculine and the feminine in harmony. We are all in charge of what we believe about ourselves and our world and how it manifests into our immediate reality. The core way to change your reality and your experiences is by learning to trust yourself at all times and in all situations and above all, to love yourself, unconditionally, meaning without reservation and judgment.

To allow yourself to express who you are without having to compromise for the sake of another. To live in integrity with your Divine Self without fear of rejection or repercussion, to no longer hide who you are. In other words, to be sovereign and to live sovereign and free.

Then the real healing will be fully underway and will go out into all dimensions and realities, through time and space and beyond.

And what are the infinite possibilities of that?!

By the way, there is absolutely nothing in the Standard Technology series about merging with the soul. There is however, a great deal about trusting yourself.

I Forgive Me, George Spiropoulos

September 21, 2008

I woke up this morning on this Autumn Equinox Day of Forgiveness remembering someone who had hurt me deeply a long time ago. The Kuthumi/Michelle Eloff activation channel for this day is 21:9 Equinox Forgiveness Channelling and is described as:

“In this channelling Kuthumi takes you through a very deep and beautiful process of tapping into deeper levels of forgiveness so as to be able to pass through the Equinox Gateways being activated. This process also enables you to release the residual energies of old processes trapped in your energy body, which aspects of the human self attach to for a number of reasons. Learn how to develop compassion and empathy towards your human self and how to manage your reactions to the life experiences your are destined to encounter. This is wonderful teaching on learning how to coach your human self into full accepting the promise of New Life.”

When I was 14 years old I had a pen pal who lived in Weiser, Idaho and his name is George Spiropoulos. He was the best friend of a boy named Matt who was somewhat involved with my best friend at that time. My friend and George's friend has met during the summer and shared time together and so while those two corresponded, I was corresponding with George.

I was at a particularly vulnerable place in my life due to family and that transition from a gawky bespeckled little girl into a not too bad looking young lady, willing to live with an open heart and take people as they are. I was in the final stages of receiving all of my soul connection to Self and every step was tentative and uncertain in my life. My mother had been a walk-out the year before this and I was left without a solid feminine energy in my life and was taking those steps into womanhood pretty much on my own.

I very much looked forward to receiving those letters from George. He wrote beautifully and was writing with an open heart just as I was. I don't quite remember how long we corresponded, but it was definitely a couple of months. At some point in this correspondence though, something happened. Out what felt to me like the twilight zone, George send me a final and deeply cutting letter. He sent me a picture or photograph of a person standing face on flipping “The Bird”, in other words, middle finger extended. No words, no explanation, just that picture with it's explosion of energy.

Now, it took me years to come to know that I have the gift of Psychometry and to understand what it's all about to pick up energies from objects and such. At the time when I eagerly was opening that letter from someone I cared about and instead found this ugliness, all I knew was that I felt like a dagger went through my heart.

The energy of this action on his part became like a spike in my heart and has remained there until today when I was finally able to release it. And even with my current hindsight of knowing how my energies trigger people to release, I am not sure at all what was behind that harsh action on his part.

I did see him once about 2 - 3 years later at a party and he tried to speak to me. I was completely unable to speak to him and cut him off cold. This was the only time I’ve ever seen him in person.

He left me with energies of wondering what I’d done that a total stranger felt that it was ok to send me that type of letter. I was left with a massive energy of rejection of myself for something that I didn’t for the life of me know what I’d done! Sound familiar? I was left with such a stain of ugliness on my soul that part of my soul fragmented from the experience of it all. My self esteem took a hard hit and was never really the same after that. My image of myself as a young women was distorted and affected by this experience for many, many years to come.

Where I sit now in the New Energy I can forgive myself for whatever role I played in that scenario and I can forgive him for the pain and heartache that he gave me with that horrific letter. A deep part of me shut down in response to that action and that aspect of myself that took on that pain can now be integrated and come home. The energy of feminine victimhood can be put to rest and the energy of being rejected for who I was at that time can also be forgiven and released.

Unfortunately, it was this experience that set me up for a later, far more painful and harsh experience at age 16 and that shattering changed my life forever.

So wherever you are George Spiropoulos of Weiser, Idaho, I forgive You.

And so it is.

Once Upon An Aspect

August 29, 2008

For the last seven years I’ve been dancing with, fighting and struggling with, hating and embracing and integrating all manner of aspects. For the most part they’ve been the dark and grey ones, those negative parts and pieces of self that feel unloved and unwanted in life. It hasn’t been easy and it’s taken far longer than I ever thought that it would to bring them home in welcome and integration.

The most persistent and uncomfortable aspect for me has been one that’s been the spiritual or Ascension aspect. This is the one that was created eons ago who’s only job and experience was to explore spirituality and ascension. This is the one who has been like a little monkey on my back, beating me with a stick to keep going, going, going when all I really wanted to do was to leave the earth. It’s been this aspect that’s been whispering in my ear that I chose to come to this earth during this time to do a specific job and nothing else matters… just help humanity come to a new place of consciousness and screw everything else! Blah, blah, blah…

No matter what energy work I did, I just could not seem to find the source of this little demon and to relieve it’s influence in my life because it’s a voice that I really hate and at times it’s taken over and appeared in the physical as a personality type that is not who I am at all. It’s been a complete nemesis for me and it’s been in a strong battle with another aspect that I think of as the Relationship Aspect.

It’s the Relationship Aspect that’s been whispering in my ear that having family, friends and being intimately involved with someone is important as a human. This aspect has been the one who kept telling me to not give up on my ex-husband/partner, to keep working through the tough things and give myself a chance to have love and be loved.

And here I’ve been, the little human, stuck between these two conflicting voices that have at times been so loud and obnoxious that they’ve drowned each other out.

Earlier this week I was given an immense gift of being able to listen to the most recent Tobias workshop set of CD’s called, “Discovering Your Passion” and I have to say that these have changed my life. During this workshop a great many barriers and interferences are recognized and are released. Exercises are given to assist in recognizing life patterns and what specific areas we chose to work through and find completion with in this life. This revealed to me what I’ve been wanting to have in my life and what I’ve done to try and receive it and to show me that I don’t need to struggle with that area any longer.

Then Tobias walks the audience through the knowing that there are no more contracts of any kind with anyone and most importantly, the Life Contract that we all set up with ourselves before coming into this life, has been completed.

While I have done years worth of energy work on releasing contracts and agreements, I have only been able to release what was my side of the agreement. I hadn’t really considered that there would be “someone” on the other side of the contract that may or may not desire to release me. Like a huge cord stretching between myself and the outer reaches of space. While my end is severed and lying there the other end is still attached and is sending energy to influence me by proximity.

During the workshop Tobias brings in all those beings, family, soul lineage and whatever to come forward and release the other end of the infinite contracts. Some of these old contracts, most especially the Service Contracts, go back to over 2000 LIFETIMES ago and have been carried over from one life to another, becoming complex and intertwined and more difficult to release with each passing.

When this part of the workshop came up I was able to release finally the source of those two troublesome aspects who have made my life really difficult for most of the last 3 years!! They were created during those lives when I was choosing to experience a particular facet of life and they were never previously integrated until now. And what an unbelievable relief it was to be free!!

I listened to the last CD in the early afternoon on Monday and felt a bit dizzy so I lay down on my bed. I got up the next morning on Tuesday, having been “out” that whole time. And I woke up feeling free and sovereign to make my own choices rather than choices based upon what those annoying little voices kept shouting in my head! I woke up feeling like I was standing in mid air and that my reality from that point on would only be what I was creating it to be.

It was the Ascension Aspect who kept telling me that I would never be the greatness of who I truly am as long as I stayed in this relationship. I would never be happy and fulfilled because it was just too hard to do relationships… blah, blah, blah. That voice kept telling me that the only thing that mattered in this life was doing the spiritual work, the energy work with and for others.

And the Relationship Aspect would jump in to say that I have a man who loves me with all his heart and I’ve never had someone love me this way in my whole life. That he is here to support me in every way that he can so that I can evolve and remember who I am and to live a life of freedom and sovereignty. That this man is the perfect partner for me because he triggers and activates all my "boogiemen" and fears and what not and that gives me a chance to work through them and find completion. That no matter how hard or ugly the process has been it’s worth the hard work because of the potential benefits that are now showing up for us.

So there I’ve been, bouncing between the Push Me and the Pull Me and finding very little peace. Within the last year my Authentic Self has piped in with it’s opinion and it’s slowly become the voice that sounds the loudest. It is the voice of my truth and it’s been the voice and the energy that I’ve come to rely on.

This Discover Your Passion workshop released those battling aspects for all time. It’s been five days now and they are no longer with me. It’s taken me a bit of breathing and double checking myself to see that they are truly gone, and to finally give myself a chance to be in a space where I can make a conscious choice for myself without wondering if it’s real or not. I have caught myself a time or two trying to recreate a past behavior or thought and then I stop myself and back out of that energy. I have been going into New Earth energy then and simply enjoying the lack of any manipulating energies, any chaos energies and any negative energies. This is where my Authentic Self resides and resonates deep within me.

And within the space of my Authentic Self manifesting in this physicality, I’ve been able to discover that I can have both worlds, the spirituality and the relationship, and to see how they weave together now and form a wonderful foundation for me to be who I truly AM. I have a partner who shares the wonder of the adventure of being a New Consciousness Explorer and loves this journey with me. And in this partner I have found the loving support that I have never had in my life from biological family. I have the best of both worlds right now and it feels amazing. We have infinite potentials for what we can create together and have made the conscious choice to see what we will be.

And what an unbelievable relief to be finished with that bitch Ascension aspect who was always going on about having to be in service and be spiritual!!!!!!! LOL!!!  I’ll bet that that aspect is from a life where churches were created and rigid doctrine was enforced….it has that “feel” to it.

And Now she’s gone and I feel awesome!!

And what are the infinite possibilities?

What’s Next?

August 9, 2008

I have come to the end of an era for me and I am very glad to let it go. It’s served me very well and I’ve enjoyed it. Yet now it’s time for something new to come into my life and to explore other potentials and directions.

I am speaking about the Ask A Question facilitation that I’ve been doing for almost 12 years now. I have come to a place where I can no longer easily do these in the current form. Perhaps I will bring these back in an audio or MP3 form in the future. That would be a bit easier than typing them now as I have been doing. Because the typing requires a flow of energy through my body that is less easy because of the diversity of energies that like to come visit.

So this facilitation has become less easy for me and there’s so much more that I want to do in my life that I feel ready to let this go.

And what’s next?

Over the last 2 weeks of time I’ve gone through several of the most intense and energy changing experiences and cleansings of any time prior to this in my life. I am still integrating the huge shifts of perception, knowing and awareness and also experiencing the healing shifts that have been created for my body.

I began with an intense session with my partner regarding some energies that he’s been carrying for his ex-wife that we finally got clear enough to see. And when we cleared these it also cleared a tremendous amount of old energy in me that I’d been holding for him in support. We were both holding old energies from abuse and negative energies like anger, rage, hatred and self-abuse from this woman and because they don’t belong to us we hadn’t been able to make any headway in releasing them from the perspective of thinking that they belonged to either of us!

This discernment is truly critical in working with your personal stuff. You absolutely can not clear and thereafter integrate something that doesn’t belong to you! You can only clear where you are trying to hold on to it and release it from that point.

The clearing of this old energy that belonged to someone else facilitated the return of a huge broken soul fragment for my partner. This fragment, which we call the Little Guy, was a small child, innocent and delightful and very loving and trusting. The return of this fragment made a night and day difference in how my partner viewed his world and his manner of expressing himself day to day. In other words, he became a completely different person!

The following week we sat down again to take a look at the energies of judgment, which have been a nemesis of mine for the last 6 ½ years and have also resisted all attempts at clearing.

This session was a bit different because of something that a questioner had said to me earlier in the week that set up a trigger resonance. She had said something about hiding behind a particular problem that she’s been experiencing and not being able to find clarity.

So in this session my partner and I went looking for what was hiding behind the judgment energy and of course, what was the source of all of it and who did it belong to.

This was one of those life changing sessions… pivotal in my core energies shifting and facilitating a massive return of my own aspects. We found energies that were eons of time old, and a tremendous amount of manipulation energy trying to control not only our relationship but the way we interacted in our own worlds. There were energies in place to maintain a dis-connection in our basic relationship so that we could have moments of being close but never quite were able to be what we knew we had the potential to be.

There were also energies in place to maintain a dis-connection from the earth and from the sacred sexual energies flowing from the earth through my body and out to the universe. This was a huge piece for me because of earlier awakenings that week. I had been holding onto massive judgment energies that didn’t belong to me, yet had been hiding behind judgment energies that I was aware of that belonged to my father and came through his lineage. I could clear the lineage and genetic factors but the little judging voices in my head would not go away! They belonged to an aspect that belonged to my partner’s sister-in-law and she was a carrier of energy of great separation and disconnection. It was absolutely amazing and joyful to get clear of those energies.

Following this session I was guided to begin the Sacred Fire activations from the beginning with the “Golden Gate to Oneness” which made tremendous sense to me as this activation is the facilitation of movement from an old life into a new paradigm… such synchronicity!!

I have been listening to the ongoing new Golden Temple teachings with Kuthumi and Michelle Eloff and have also been doing the Quantum Tantra teachings. These latter have awakened memories of working with the Mary Magdalene on these teachings and she has shared a few things with me about this sacred work being more and more known in the world soon.

From “The Alchemy of Quantum Tantra Part 1”:

I am Guinevere, Lady of Camelot, and I welcome you all into this place of contemplation. Welcome.

I have been asked to present the first lesson in our teachings in the body of work that has been titled “The Alchemy of Quantum Tantra”. This body of information is one aspect of what we call “The Return to Innocence”, the journey of inner sense-ability. This process is one that teaches you the importance of resuscitating the senses within yourself and recognising that each sense plays an important role in reviving you. Most of humanity think their way through life. It is vital that all of you remember how to feel your way through life.

The mental body is influenced to a large degree by the collective consciousness of the old matrix. I say this because at this current time in the earth’s history the majority of the collective consciousness is still governed and motivated by the matrix of the old paradigm. It is an important time of passing between the worlds of the old paradigm and the new one and each of you seeking a passageway to freedom are being directed in different directions at times, but always in the direction that leads you into the realms of your personal truth.

Kuthumi has often spoken of personal truth and how your truth will continue to change as long as you grow. This means that the more self aware you become, the more you transform and reconcile areas of your life, the more you will realise about your truth - it expands and you tap into various levels of what it consists of. This is one of the reasons why you are asked not to judge others, not to pass judgment on the choices others make because each choice they make is for the purpose of revealing to them an aspect of their truth that will bring them closer to finding their inner sense-ability. Every soul on planet earth is currently being presented with not just one opportunity but many opportunities to reconcile the aspects of their life that have resulted in imbalance, everything that leads to a sense of emptiness, disconnectedness from Spirit and separation consciousness can now completely be healed, but it must be the personal souls choice to do so.

When one chooses to embark upon the Pathway of Quantum Tantra one is embracing one of the most powerful, we will call it at this particular time, Pathways of Soul Liberation. Alchemy as you know is the process of transforming base elements of the self into the golden elements of self. There is a place inside of you that you will come to find, experience and indulge in, you will experience many dimensions of this part of you, it is what we call the Golden Heart Chakra. This Sacred Chamber exists in the very depths of your heart chakra and it is this Sacred Chamber that leads into the quantum worlds of tantra. In Sanskrit tantra means weaving. By choosing to embark upon the journey of the tantric way you are choosing to weave light and to weave love, to rise in love and to bridge all the chasms that have led to separation consciousness. This results in the blissful experience of living in a state of unity consciousness.

The very first step that you are to begin with and practice is that of being aware of your physical sense-ability. Every sense inside of you serves a purpose. Because of humanities trauma as a result of the original fall, which resulted in separation consciousness, you have numbed yourself off. The numbing process has manifested over a period of many years. What we are attempting to do with you at this current time is to fast track your way back into feeling.

Feeling is different to emotions. It is vital that you bear this in mind because your emotional body is also influenced by the collective grid of old paradigm consciousness. Feeling is beyond the mind and beyond emotions. The ego influences the mind, which influences your emotions. You are stepping into the place of feeling. It is the pure innocent realm inside of you that exists within the core of the Golden Heart Chakra, which is titled “your intuition”, the power to discern - it is part of your authentic self.

Separation consciousness and the experience of being separated from Spirit severed the Golden Thread through the heart chakra to the core of the Cosmic Father. We were able to still keep your silver cord intact, which links you to our Cosmic Mother. However, when that original Golden Cord was severed there was not too much emphasis placed on severing the silver cord, because those who were a part of the fall that contributed to the implementation of the separation from Spirit knew very well that if one cord was missing the other could not function in it’s completeness. …”

It is in the healing of the sexual energies that is the next step needed for the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine energies to be in balance both within each individual and in our world. This begins with the healing of the feminine energies as the flowing of energies with the masculine, as these energies have long been corrupted and twisted. A strong and healthy feminine energy helps to heal and support the masculine. For myself I am now being led in this direction, to heal my own physical energies and especially the sacred sexual energies and to continue to walk this journey with my dear partner.

This new direction is one that is being consciously chosen by both of us. During a conversation with Sarah Biermann that took place between the two magical sessions that I had with my partner, the Mary Magdalene appeared to both of us with the activation and trigger of the reminder of this work and the sacred sexual teachings. Since then I’ve listened to the audios of the Sacred Temple activations and have experienced much more remembrances and confirmation of this new direction. Having completed the unification of my mental, emotional and spiritual bodies I can now bring everything into balance with the physical body as the focus.

At the completion of the body of work in Aspectology my partner and I came to a Choice Point and initially made the decision to no longer be together. Then over the course of the next few days of integration of the new codes and attributes that we received from the solar eclipse and the releasing of the old paradigms, we chose anew. We are now consciously choosing to stay together and see where the energies take us. The joy that we both experienced from this choice was very magical. We have come to recognize the value in our synergy and love and have the desire to fully explore the grand potentials.

The awakening to this new area of personal work together now before us will take us to California for a time. We hope to be moving there this fall and be there for approximately six months to a year. There are other divine humans nearby where we are being led to live that we will connect with and do some healing work with and this time will be somewhat like a bit of sabbatical. It will also be a time for us of being free of the intense Aspectology that we’ve been involved with during the entirety of our relationship! With the final two sessions that took place in July we came to the end of the dark and grey portion of integrating our aspects.

From California we may be going to New Zealand for a time as there is a strong call to be there by 2012. Of course, things could change in a heartbeat, yet that is the template at this time.

What I am experiencing now is the relationship of my dreams and it’s with this dear one who has kept the faith with me that we could get through this crap and find some resolution. The work that we have done together may form the foundation for a workshop or seminar and most certainly will show up in a book. I look forward to exploring where the potentials for that lie for me.

My partner and I have been doing the intense Aspectology since the second day after we got married! We never got to enjoy that honeymoon period nor did we really get to have a real life together because we were surrounded by these other energies that set up so many conflicts, confusions and disconnections for us. So now we are beginning anew in our life, in our relationship and having a real life that is based upon integrity and authenticity of beingness.

Everything from the past is now being released. Old thoughts, feelings and patterns of behavior. Every moment is new because we’ve never been here before and it’s like falling in love all over again. And until this last session together, the price that I paid to be here had not been worth it at all. Now we are creating in a place of sovereignty and in energies that are unified in each of us. We got here together because no matter how hard it got, how heartbreaking the experiences, we never gave up on each other. Our souls were in charge the whole time. And every time I tried to leave my soul would come to me and let me know that it’s desire was for me to continue with the work.

And now I understand more fully what I chose for myself to experience before I came into this life!