December 2

This time out period has been at one time lovely and at the same time a bit of a grind for me. I had visions of days of doing nothing, not feeling pulled in any direction or feeling like I “had” to be doing anything. Instead I found myself moving and shifting in the energies like never before. I’m exhausted!!! I need a time out to recover from my time out…

There was a huge shift of energies yesterday and I highly recommend that you read the latest “What’s Up On Planet Earth?” for the 16th if you haven’t already. As usual, it hits the nail on the head pretty well.

I woke up yesterday feeling like I’d been in a fight all night. I’ve been somewhat resisting of the massive changes happening over the last two weeks and my body reveals this to me with a head cold, painful sinuses and a lot of discomfort around my eyes, plus the numerous body aches as the energies are integrated into my nervous system. I know that I’ve been bringing in a great deal of light and my eyes have been having trouble focusing at times. I’ve been finding that all of this moving and shaking is much easier when I’m sleep, so I’ve been spending a lot of time in bed and cat-napping during the day.

All of this culminated for me yesterday afternoon when I just had to drop everything and sit down and head for the Shaumbra Service Center. I have been in that place a great deal lately and it’s definitely helping me to stay sane during all this turmoil happening on the other levels. I usually ask to spend the night there as appropriate and take moments during the day to visit as well.

I found myself there and then I did something that I was quite surprised to find myself doing. I sat and made choices for myself, out loud in confirmation, of what I desire in my life. For each one saying, "I choose ...". I did this for probably about an hour, really exploring what I would like for myself in my life for this time forward and the energies swirling around me were intense! I also did some work with changing some soul contracts that I still had that I felt were no longer in service to me. Afterwards I probably “went out” for a time because the rest of the afternoon is kind of a blur… I even found myself back in bed at one time.

I’d been feeling the energies around the Adamus message from the last Shoud about making conscious choices and have to admit that I’ve felt at times a certain trepidation that I could make choices for myself, rather than simply going with the flow of whatever life, and my soul specifically, would bring to me. And yesterday it felt really great to say out loud what I would like my life to look like, sound like, feel like and be like. It felt so incredibly empowering and yet so very right to do this, too. And at the end of that session I asked my particular group and runners if there was anything I should know at this time and they said to me,

I am very close to my cat, Mr. Bear. He’s a 17 pound Classic Brown Tabby with Black Maine Coon who’s been a lifeline to me for the last 8 or so years as I've done this journey. We communicate on levels that awe and amaze me daily and I don't know how I could have done all that I've done over these years without him.

In the last week to 10 days I've been increasingly alarmed by his behavior and it took a lot for me to step behind the short wall and allow myself to "see" what all was happening with him. He and I are so close that any difference in his energy is down right scary to me and makes me go off-balanced for a time. He is so very precious to me…

Before I uprooted myself and him in those early days, I did a shamanic journey to "ask" if he desired to come with me and step into the unknown. At that time he told me that he desired to share this experience with me only as long as I was in agreement that when he chose to leave me that I would let go of him graciously and with all consideration and respect for what he has brought to me in my life.

So, any time there's a radical shift in his energy I have to stop and ask myself if he's now choosing to leave me... gah!!

He had manifested for himself a urinary tract infection about a week ago (which we treated) and yesterday started throwing up everything he ate.

Yeah, cats do the yark thing a lot anyway... but this was very unusual for him. Plus he just "felt" so sick to me!!

Last night I went into the Shaumbra Service Center and simply sat with my soul and my group and asked them what was going on. I absolutely Hate the idea of losing my best friend and it's so scary for me to even consider it! What I discovered is that he was perceiving my "disconnection" as a message to him that it was time for him to leave me. That perhaps I no longer needed him or desired to have him in my life.

They gave me the information about what he was going through and then I asked for his energy to join me, as I "talked" to him for a while, explaining what was going on with me and this "disconnect" thing. As much as I remember to do so, I always talk to him about what I'm doing, where I'm going, when I'll be back, how I feel about anything and when appropriate, where he fits in with what I'm going through, especially all these intense transitions.

I used to watch the "Pet Psychic" on the Animal Planet channel and the woman who’s name I’ve since forgotten said that we should always explain to our pets where we're at and what's going on because they jump to conclusions when they are kept out of the loop. Since then I've always let Mr. Bear know what's up with me. I guess I've been a bit lacking in the communication department lately...

I made sure that he understood that "disconnecting" was not about making it necessary nor easier to leave, that it was about making it easier to STAY.

Today he is a totally different guy, bright-eyed and so very much more present with me. I can feel that he's staying with me and is now "with" me in a new and different way.

God, I'm so relieved!!!! Frankly, I love my cat more than anyone in my family!

A “calibration” is a point in time and space where something or someone is being defined.

During my phenomenal transition times in March this year, I received the message about taking care of me and serving me many times over and I’ve written about that previously. What I also received was a recurring message about allowing others around me to do, be, have, create, orchestrate and destroy whatever they are choosing for themselves, without it having any effect on me.

Jean Tinder put it quite eloquently this morning on the Crimson Circle message board when she said:

“… Me, I'm learning about this on a whole new level too, about flowing with ME rather than stopping/starting/pushing/pulling ME in reference to whatever/whoever is going on around me. …”

This is another way of saying, in my opinion, that those calibrations that we so much have lived by in the past, no longer are of service to us. We can’t define ourselves by another person in any form now, it becomes more damaging and doesn’t serve us in the overall experience. We can no longer define our actions or reactions based upon what another person is or is not doing, being, having, creating, orchestrating or destroying of themselves or others in their life.

This is a surprisingly tough pattern to get out of, especially when you’ve lived much of your life in a place of co-dependence and being in fear of doing or being “wrong” in some way and then having to experience the consequences of that for yourself. Calibrations based upon what our parents determined for us is a pattern that’s learned so very early in life.

What I’m finding for myself though, is that when I am making conscious choices in the moment that I will only be defined by me, then slowly I am more and more able to get out resisting and reacting to anyone around me. And boy, do I feel better when I live in that place! No more being the paper boat in the middle of the stream that gets tossed every which way along the course of living!

And this is especially dynamic for me living with a man who is as changeable as the wind. This has been my greatest lesson in this relationship. My husband has triggered every button I ever had and then some, primarily those learned from childhood that had to do with calibrating myself based upon the actions and reactions of a father that I feared. Another name for this type of behavior is "Co-dependence." Being with this husband of mine has brought me time after time to a place of confronting, working through and releasing every little childhood trauma and drama imaginable!

Being able to stand easily and lightly in my own space while those around me ebb and flow have greatly added to my peace of mind and my contentment with myself in every moment. I continue to choose for ME in every moment, and I continue to come back to me whenever someone makes an attempt to pull me into their trauma and drama.

And surprisingly, my being much more calm and steady with myself has had a big impact on my husband’s energy as well. He is not nearly so tossed and turned about by energies, because I am no longer reacting so much to what energies he has around him. Therefore, he is not resisting and reacting to MY energies in response. This little circle of push me/pull you has long been a cycle of behavior that has brought about immense heartache and difficulty for us and is one that I am dearly glad to see us transitioning out of experiencing.

Now, we are rapidly moving into a place of being together without the resultant swaying in the wind! And this place is free of the old energy lessons and experiences and is so much more about having fun with creating and manifesting.

I’m feeling a bit frustrated today… I’m sure that it’s an offset of the massive influx of energies that are so ongoing. Plus, the shifting of earth energies triggered by the massive earthquake in Indonesia. What ever the underlying root of this, I am feeling quite uneasy in my skin today, wishing for other things, other times and other places.

I am feeling very frustrated because it seems that there’s never an extended period of time when I get to feel good about myself and my life. Sure, I have moments when I feel a great deal of bliss and joy. Then, in the next turning of the cycle, this is gone. Replaced by a feeling of something else coming up for healing or clearing, some karmic family shit that rears its ugly head and as the designated ascendee I find myself experiencing it for all it’s worth.

I would like to step out of all these cycles, through all time and space, dimensions, realities, bodies, lives, souls, group souls, aspects. I’d like to be finished with this marriage that is just too much pain and heartache for me to be a part of any longer. When do I get to say ENOUGH! When do I get to say that I’ve done enough in this life and can now simply cruise through and enjoy all that I’ve worked for f***ing hard to achieve?!

See, just when I seem to reach a place where I am feeling love for myself, feeling that just maybe I will be able to move into a new place in my life, something else comes up in my face that is like a big cosmic joke that says, “Sorry!” and then laughs it’s head off. What is up with that?!

When can I say that I no longer have to experience relationship hell? Especially when I see old patterns from a couple of years ago that I swore had been cleared and released, suddenly appearing again!

When can I say that I’ve completed every task and then some, of what I set out in my Chart to experience in this life? When can I live my life for ME and have great fun doing so?!

When can I say that I am perfect just the way that I Am and there is no further work in any area of my current life that is required?

We are here beloved and we say to you that you are indeed, finished with all that you came here in this life to accomplish, not only for yourself, but for others as well. You have actually been complete with this for a long time, yet have continued to choose to stay and be in this polarity and not see who you truly are.

What is happening now is a bit of intense spring cleaning and this will continue for just a bit more time. You are blowing a fierce, new energy wind through the times of your life and are somewhat reviewing all the choices that you have made in your life that have brought you this time and place. It is like you are once more, for the last time in this life, asking yourself if there is something that you wish you had done differently and are looking at what your answers are.

You have read more than once or twice that there is no judgment of what you have chosen for yourself or what you are now choosing for yourself. You have too long operated from that place of feeling obligation or in service to others and have looked outside of yourself for permission to simply live your life. This is the main programming that you are struggling with at this time because you continue to feel that there’s something hanging over you yet to be accomplished.

This is not the case beloved, and we ask that you allow yourself to experience this truth this day. You are indeed quite complete and are now fully able to choice and implement a life that is the Easy Way and is a life that is not about karma, not about the reflection of old family values and issues in the eyes of the one you are in relationship with. You have long moved beyond the constraints of karma and it is way past time that you recognized and realized this for yourself.

You will soon be moving into a more clear and perhaps “real” would be the appropriate word to use, expression of your divinity in your life. You have been in a type of holographic expression for the last few years, you have long known this and have fought mightily to be out of it. You are now allowing yourself to step out of this holographic expression and are beginning to recognize what is the “reality” of your life and what is simply the Game that you chose to play with your beloved so as to facilitate the final karmic healing that you agreed to do. You are finished with this Game beloved, now simply give yourself permission to step out of the cycle that you have seen is about to repeat itself in the same lessons and experiences.

You can choose for yourself in each new occurrence of the old cycles, and for a time you may be desiring to experience this choice over and over for yourself. It is not about testing you, it is about you listening and determining for yourself, what life you now wish to experience. There is nothing, and we repeat that, NOTHING, that is keeping you in this old cycle. You are complete here and you can and are choosing a new life for yourself.

Take a deep breath beloved, sit with yourself this day in the grandest of love, and know that you are magnificent and it is ok to allow yourself to make these choices that you are making for yourself! You are choosing for YOU! And that is all that matters now.

“… Your divine plan was to go out and experience, create a sense of Self, self-identity, so that some day you could inherit the throne. That was the divine plan. The human plan was simply to survive… simply to survive here on Earth… to have food, and shelter, and clothing, and just get by.

Your divine plan was to give you everything that you needed in this lifetime – all of the resources, all of the tools – to give you everything. And, it is there. But, it wasn’t meeting with your human plan. Your human plan, oddly enough, was to give you bare minimum… bare minimum.

You see… it is interesting because you ask for abundance. “Dear Spirit, pay this bill. Give me the money I need.” Oh… but, when you look at your human plan, it was quite the opposite – give yourself as little as possible, learn as quickly as possible on your journey. Oh… you said to us… you said to yourself, “I can endure anything. This little stint on Earth as a human being… I don’t have to have anything.” Your human plan was bare necessity.

Allow it now to meld with your divine plan, which is grand abundance of every kind. You thought it was the other way around. You thought divinity was holding out on you. Dear friends, it was YOU holding out on you. Allow your divine plan and your human plan to come together.

The divine plan was the grand reintegration of the energies of the masculine and feminine. It has always been part of the plan. The separation took place so that you could truly experience and understand yourself. We are not talking about the male body and the female body. We are talking about the yin and yang energies, the feminine and the masculine, both so appropriate. The divine plan was to bring them back together.

Your human plan was to make yourself one or the other – to be male, or to be female, and to exaggerate whichever one that was, and to feel separate and removed from the other energy. Part of this was so that you could experience what it was like to have this outgoing masculine energy. Part of it was to experience the nurturing and loving feminine energy. But, the divine plan and the human plan weren’t meeting.

It is now time to bring those together. You are at the point of awareness. You’re at the point of enlightenment where they can come together now. They don't have to be separate.

The divine plan was to come full-circle in the understanding of Self. You have been given a unique gift by Spirit. It was called Self-awareness… your own identity… no longer in the grand oneness of All That Is. But, you were given the ability to have a unique spiritual fingerprint all of your own, and to grow that. The human plan was so limited. It was – try to get what you could. It was – try to, at first, to develop your identity of Self in this lifetime without regards to the wholeness of all your other lives.

But, then when you got to a certain point, you came to a level where you said, “The plan now needs to shift.” It needs to be to destroy the Self because it must be the Self that is causing you all these problems. Your modern psychologies talk about destroying Self, annihilating Self. There are those in the world that practice the annihilation of the ego and of the Self in some very brutal terms. We are still picking up the parts and pieces of them on our side of the veil. They are so scattered, and the wounds are so deep.

The divine plan is Self-realization. The human plan that so many of you had is Self- annihilation. Can you bring these together and understand the Self has served a purpose here? Can you meld the divine and the human plans now? They don't have to be separate.

The human plan was for death, and sickness, and disease. The human plan said that you had to bring these things into your reality to gain new understanding. You had to get sick. You had to get disease to bring you back on your path. You had to have death, so that you didn't get trapped or lost here on Earth. The divine plan is about life and is about creating. That’s all it is – experience.

Can you bring these two elements together – the divine and the human now, so they don’t have to be separate? Can you bridge that gap, cross that chasm, so the divine plan can meet the human plan? … “

“…The human plan called for separation… isolation… called for you to feel alone so many times on your journey. The divine plan – as we have stated over and over again – was never to be alone at all… never to be isolated… always to understand where you came from and why you are on your journey.

Can you stop hiding yourselves from yourself and from others? Can you come out now as a divine human, to be a teacher – small “t” – facilitator… host… whatever term you want to call it, but a shining divine human? Can you meld together that plan of the divine and the plan of the human now, so that you can come forth, be who you really are?

The human plan was to have lessons, lessons, and lessons. All that equates to is suffering. It is saying that you don't know enough. It is saying you have to give yourself another kick in the butt, another hit on the head. The divine plan has always simply been about experiencing, but experiencing the joy of life and creativity.

You’ve ignored the divine plan, and you've chosen suffering instead through lessons, these things you call lessons. It is not about lessons. It is not about trying to prove anything to Spirit. It is about living in the Now and experiencing the true gift of who you are, the true gift of life, the true gift of compassion.

It is time for the divine plan to meet the human plan. Can we do that in this moment together? Can we allow the healing to take place, for the wounds of Chiron, the warrior, the warrior that everyone of you have been, not just here on Earth, mostly in the other realms? Can you allow for the divine plan to embrace the human plan now… to bridge that gap… to stop the separation between the two… to have complete compassion and honor for each other?

Can you make it so, as you take down the walls of this bottle that you live in, so that you can feel and know this simple divine plan and have it work together in harmony with your human plan? Can you allow that? Can you allow the healing of the Star of David to take place in this moment? …”

I’ve been experiencing a particular energy dynamic for what seems like my whole life. I’ve been frazzled and frustrated with this in so many cases, with so many people and have always been left wondering what was happening and how did I get here from there.

I had a great breakthrough last night and the relief on this knowing is incredible. I hope that I can adequately described what this is all about and make some sense for perhaps some one else dealing with this type of energy.

Because of my early childhood experiences of being so unloved, I have a tendency to be very open and appreciative to anyone who is nice to me. Can you feel the energy of that? When someone is “nice” to me. In other words, when someone treats me with kindness and consideration, respect and dignity, they can have the world from me! Man, what a setup THAT has been. LOL!!

This basic pattern for me has long been a set up for someone to steal energy from me. When someone treats me as I desire to be treated, they have the keys to the kingdom and if they are not truly in unity and integrity, they do much harm to me in my vulnerability.

Over this time with my husband I have been enmeshed in this pattern, this cycle as it were, over and over and over again. I will have the courage and strength of self to step out of being used, then gradually over time, my husband will be nice to me, treat me well, and I slowly allow myself to be seduced back into the belief that all will be ok with us, that perhaps I can stay in this relationship and make it work.

God, can you feel the yuck in that last paragraph!! Yet, that’s what I’ve been dealing with in this marriage! It takes a while for the slow seduction to take place as we don’t spend much time together. Each time my husband does something nice for me, something thoughtful and considerate, it implants a tiny doubt in my mental body, like an insert in the program. Gradually these build up until I am just about ready to completely cancel any of my plans and walk fully back into the cage of my previous existence with this man… It’s the doubts that are the most insidious, as they cause me to question my very self, my divinity and my knowing; my choices. They create the greatest distraction imaginable and they bring me great distress and pain.

This was the pattern for me up until last night. We were going along in the usual cycle and last night I was feeling that perhaps I would stay instead of leaving as is my true desire. We were laughing and joking around, enjoying the energy and then out of the blue, which is also part of the pattern, my husband says something really shitty to me. Zing!! And then bam! Just like that, I’m thrown out of the pattern.

Now, this being nice and then turning on me is also a long-held pattern that I’ve dealt with my whole life. This is old family stuff, I believe it's alcoholic behavior as well and I have already chosen to no longer have these lessons and experiences, so when this happened last night my Authentic Self came to the fore and gave me the knowing of what I was participating in this whole time. Whereas before I would have acted out being injured and hurt (the victim) and he would grovel and try to apologize (the victimizer). Next, I would withdraw my presence and my energy (victimizer) so as to punish him (victim) for treating me badly. Eventually I would forgive and we’d go on once more, although perhaps somewhat diminished in self-respect. This time I stepped completely out of the pattern and took a good look at it.

Seduction is vile. It uses your deepest desires and longings against you. It uses the fears that you have of not being good enough, worthy enough, lovable enough. It uses all your own weapons against you to accomplish the goal of stealing energy. Granted, this is not one-sided, as we all create our experiences and lessons. The part that is the most painful for me is the continual violation of trust, trust that has been so hard to create and recreate again with this man and mostly that distrust of self that you’ve allowed this to happen again and again! And no matter how much I know that everything that we’ve done together has been for the sole purpose of the experience so as to have that background for later teaching, that in no way lessens the pain and heartache of being used and betrayed.

So, I choose to no longer participate in that cycle. I am choosing to step out of that cycle. I am choosing to "END PROGRAM” this relationship and I will not be fooled again by seduction, nor will I be a willing participant.

One thing I’d like to mention here is that the night after the most recent shoud, I received a tremendous energy download and felt like I was now being “activated” for duty, so to speak. I was finally being called into doing what I truly came here to do. When I am free of the cycle of Seduction I have a really clear idea of what that might be… once the doubts and obfuscations are cleared away! I am living open minded and open hearted to what is revealed to me and each day I chose for me! And while this current existence has been interesting and enlightening for me, it is so not what I choose for myself any longer.

I have had so many incredible shifts and changes occur over the last two weeks that there’s probably no point in even trying to describe them. Instead, I am living in the now, creating in every moment, and allowing myself to dream my dreams and then step out of the way!

I am on the mailing list for the channels of Michelle Eloff (http://www.thelightweaver.co.za/) and recently received two channels from Lord Kuthumi that had a radical impact on my life, in a good way. The most important parts of these two channels was the information about the morphogenetic blueprints. He says:

“ …^{A
morphogenetic field is a blueprint that stores information, not energy.
This information, this blueprint, never ever loses intensity. Therefore,
the intensity of the information, held within the morphogenetic field,
constantly influences the environment without ever losing its intensity.
And, what you have come to know as the matrix was in fact the construct
of a gargantuous morphogenetic field programmed with very specific
information which has kept humanity in a state of disempowerment. As
light workers are becoming more confident in the safety of their
environment and speak their truth, new morphogenetic fields are being
created for storing different information. …}

^{“…Therefore, what
do you use your throat chakra for? Do you use it to judge and criticize
yourself and others? I am speaking not of humorous play now. I am
speaking of serious words that are judgmental of the self, that
criticize the self that run the self down. Every time you do this you
are creating the morphogenetic blue print that holds the intensity of
that negative information at the time of its creation. It is your
responsibility, beloved ones, to create a new morphogenetic field for
yourself. …”} PRE-GREECE CHANNELING, ON 03 JUNE 2006 JHB, SOUTH AFRICA

“…^{When
you focus on something negative, you create it. The reason for this is
because you have created a morphogenetic field embodying the information
you harp on, and because it never loses intensity, it has tremendous
endurance, and follows you wherever you go.
And if you are continuously focusing on the same fears all the time, the
morphogenetic field becomes like Velcro and sticks to you, to your
energy field, to every aspect of your life, depleting your life force.}

^{…
When one has conscious information, as you now have, you are empowered
and have the ability to create such blueprints embodying very powerful
information but of a quality that empowers the source drawing
information from it. So, if you
are willing to participate in the creating of the foundation of this
morphogenetic field, please follow what we are now to deliver. If it is
not your wish and your will, simply sit in the stillness and communicate
with your guides. …” –} 6:6:6 STARGATE ACTIVATION CHANNELING”, ON 06 JUNE 2006 JHB, SOUTH AFRICA

This second channel continues on into a healing transmission with the Brotherhood of Light. What I have been doing for myself with this and achieving incredible results is to do a Circle of Grace healing session (http://www.beyondreiki.com/schedule/info.html ) with the Brotherhood at night while sleeping. I have been working on clearing my morphogenetic blueprint and let me tell you, this stuff rocks!! These channels are not available as yet on the website.

This type of releasing is what I’ve been desiring for myself to clear the negativity around me and to clear out old patterns that have resisted movement using other sources and methods. This has brought me such healing that Now I truly believe that I am finished with the lessons and experiences and am ready!

I got my Eleuthera Synchrotize System_tm CD's today and I will be doing the 3 days of this probably next weekend, beginning on Friday. I already feel though, that I’ve been living from a place of choosing my reality, yet it will be interesting to see what’s here with this new system.

I will be quite busy over the next few weeks of time and then I will be pretty much unavailable for the summer. I am moving into our motorhome next month, traveling to a Crimson Circle workshop, and living after that without a phone and daily Internet hookup. I will probably check my email about once a week or so for the next couple of months as I will be fully into summer mode, which is pretty much a disconnect time anyway. This time out is the gift I give myself each year for all the tough stuff I go through the rest of the time!

August 26, 2006

Yesterday I had the opportunity to do a Synchrotize session (Eleuthera Synchrotize System_tm)that was mind blowing! It was beautiful, intense and completely life changing, for me as well as the client.

I have a client, I’ll call him Tom, that I’ve been working with for some time now and although we’ve made some fabulous progress there’s always been an area that he just wouldn’t go into and take a close look at. This area has energetically felt to me like it was the lynchpin for every manifestation of difficulty in his life, for the self-worth issues, for the whole being not fully showing up in consciousness or in relationships.

My client had an abusive, alcoholic father and a very sensitive mother. The mother “checked out” of the marriage quite early on, then more completely later on via two car accidents that left her pretty much brain damaged and completely dependent upon the care of others. She finally died last year. My client had an extremely close connection with his mother, and yesterday I discovered just how close that relationship was for him.

We began the Synchrotize from a place of crisis for him. His last good relationship was disintegrating and he was bereft, shattered. He felt that if he couldn’t “make” that relationship work then he was doomed in some way. I asked him if he was willing to try something new and suggested the Synchrotize. I’d mentioned it to him before”¦ yet it’s not the easiest thing to describe, is it! It says a great deal about the trust that we have that he was willing to be a guinea pig here! LOL!!

His choices were awesome! I began by simply asking him what he would like to change most in his life. His first choice, of four, was to be “real” in his relationships. I suggested that he change that to “authentic” and he agreed.

I talked him into his landscape and did a fair amount of breathing there before doing the first choice. He is amazing at using his imagination and explaining what he is experiencing during any type of session. He also very easily walks into areas of discomfort for him to allow me to energetically “see” what’s going on at any one time.

In his landscape he discovered the triangle and put his choice into it, let it go, and burst into tears. After a few moments of breathing I told him to look around his landscape now and see if there’s anything new. He “looked” around and saw an artesian well. I asked him to describe it to me and to share how he saw this well in relation to a new life where he is authentic in all his relationships. His words included purity and clarity of being and of being perceived in clarity by others. Being misunderstood has been a basic foundation in his life and this was a great breakthrough right there.

I then asked him if there was any other choice that he’d like to make at this time. He said that he did have another one so we went through the landscape once more and this time the circle appeared to him. His choice this time was to stop being afraid of being hurt. I suggested that he simplify this choice to be “I choose that my life is free of all fear.” When he released the circle again he went into the great releasing of deep, hitching breaths and tears. When I asked him to look around his landscape to see if anything was changed, he discovered a treasure chest!

Again, I asked him to relate to me how he perceived this treasure chest to pertain to his life being lived without fear. His words were that he now had everything he could ever possibly imagine because he lives without fear. Whew! It was also interesting that his perspective of living a changed reality happened so quickly...

Again I asked if he had any other choices he’d like to make and he did. This time he discovered the box and the choice was to live without struggle and strife. I did ask him if he was “in the box” because he had an intense reaction to seeing the box. Nope, he said that he wasn’t in the box, although it sure felt to me like he was. Again with the letting go of this symbol came the deep release and the tears. He said then that he felt incredible light headed and I had him do some breathing to come back to himself.

He then looked around the landscape to see what was changed with this choice, to see a beautiful, flowering bush. He had difficulty finding words here so we let it go at it just being a bush. He later told me that this bush was multi-dimensional to him and the flowers were all different and they changed colors from one moment to the next. As he was describing this his voice held both joy and awe. I’m afraid that I don’t quite remember what this meant to him in relation to a new life.

Once more I asked him if there were any other choices he’d like to make and he went silent. I could feel that there was energetically something really important ready to come up, yet he was a bit hesitant here. I could feel his group sitting on my shoulder and so I made a suggestion to him that perhaps he might choose to love himself.

And this he did. The symbol that he discovered was the straight line and when he released it he went into a completely different place energetically. I sat in the energy with him for a moment and then I simply began asking him questions.

     “Where are you?”
     “I’m with my mom.”

     “How old are you?”
     “About 7 years old.”

     “What is going on around you?”
     “My mom and dad are fighting and my mom hurts really bad.”

     “What is happening to your mom?”
     “She is going away, closing herself off.”

We continued like this for a time until I got the whole story here. Tom, the client, had a deep and loving relationship and connection with his mother. During a particularly abusive argument with her husband, the mother checked out so completely and finally that the connection, or “cording” between herself and Tom was severed. Cording is described by Shepherd Hoodwin below:

Quote:

Cording
(excerpt from The Journey of Your Soul)
BY SHEPHERD HOODWIN

A cord is a psychic connection with another person that transmits energy. Cording is designed primarily for parents to be connected with their children as if through an invisible umbilical cord. Cords allow parents to provide supplemental life support for their children until they can become energetically independent (during adolescence). They also allow parents to be aware of what is happening with their children. Adults can “run” a couple of small children off their “battery,” since theirs are so much larger, but not other adults. “¦

For the rest of this article: http://www.michaelteachings.com/cording.html

As he was still at a fairly young age, this sudden loss of energy being flowed to Tom from his mother was devastating. It was like cutting off one of his senses. Out of his shock and misery he made a couple of choices at that time that were foundational for him in his life. The first of these was that there was something wrong with him that the flow was cut off, which led to poor self-worth.

The second was an identifying with his mother through her pain in such a way that he developed a sense of loyalty that got a bit skewed. One of the ways this manifested was that since he couldn’t connect with his mother then he didn’t allow himself to connect with any feminine energies. Yet, before this incident he was a joyful, loving little boy who loved everyone and dearly loved the feminine energies.

Another skewed part of this loyalty was his action of not “taking care” of anything in his life, such as a personal belonging or possession. His mother had loved to take care of her two boys, making sure that their clothes were clean and nice and so on. They were dearly loved and nurtured and “cared for” by the mother. Tom had subsequently developed the energy that if he personally was taking care of anything then it would be disloyal to his mother’s role of always taking care of him. I can imagine that he was able to "feel" his mother's pride and joy at this aspect of her mother role.

This small aspect here has always been a deeply puzzling piece to me, as I could perceive that there was something behind this behavior of almost intentionally not taking care of anything he possessed, yet it’s remained stubbornly hidden from me for a long time.

As we were talking about this particular choice of his to take on a loyalty that disconnected him from so very much around him, he said that he was seeing a relationship review of how this “choice” had impacted him in every relationship he’d ever had with a woman or girl. It was especially enlightening for him because he’s always been striving so hard to be connected with the women in his life, yet there was a part of him that just didn’t allow it. This slowly created a schism of personality versus desire that essentially manifested in him as always fighting himself, at one hand desperate for that intimacy with a woman, yet unable to commit himself in the end do to the choices that he’d made so young in his life.

So with the recognition by him, from his adult point of view, of the various choices that he made for himself at that age and in those circumstances, I asked him if he would like to now let go of those choices in his reality landscape. This he did quite easily and with great relief. He almost lifted off his seat during this releasing process!

What I was then led to walk him through was a reconnection of the feminine energy through himself, to illustrate to him that He is the source for this divine energy, not another human. He totally drank in this experience and it was incredibly moving and beautiful to sit and watch his face as he was integrating this new energy and filling himself up once more. He later told me that he felt like he was being flooded with sunshine and joy and could hardly believe that he’d been denying himself this energy in his life for so long. Tom is chronologically about 43 years old.

It was at that time that I realized that the energy of that little boy who had been so traumatized was there with us. So I went into a kind of “soul retrieval” mode, which actually is more an integration of self in actuality. He’d closed off that part of himself that was so joyful and openly loving and free of fear and it was now ready to “come home”.

As I guided him to embrace this lost little boy part of himself, I could perceive this gigantic hole in his etheric heart that was being filled with the energy of this little boy. Tom told me later that this filling began with a tiny drop or two in an empty bucket and then filled to overflow and kept right on filling. Again, the look on his face was priceless! He kept giggling as the little boy self brought in more and more of his essence and he would periodically describe what was making him giggle.

We did some exercises of grounding him into himself and more breathing. Then I asked him to bring in his mother for some closure and asked if he could forgive her for the choices that she, herself made in this situation. This type of imagery is always very moving and it somewhat completes a full circle healing of past traumas.

Tom sat for a time then, still with his eyes closed as they’d been the whole time. I could see him slowly coming back to himself in his physicality as he sat there and finally he opened his eyes.

I could not believe MY eyes!!! There was a whole soul there! The eyes which were previously a kind of dark grey to light blue were now bright blue and shining with an incredible light! And he just sat there with this glorious smile on his face and would periodically break into a full blown laugh.

I asked him how he was feeling and he said that he felt like he was now in a totally different life. That he now had a joyful part of himself sharing his life and he felt free now and fully connected to the divine feminine energies all around him. He also said that he felt spiritually full and he felt whole. But most of all, he said that he felt like a completely different person.

That was the completion of the session. I checked back with him periodically throughout the day and if anything, he said he felt more and more whole as the time went by and more in love with himself and the potentials available to him now in his life!

Yowzah!!!!

Before anyone reads anything into the date on this… I pretty much go through weeks without paying attention to what the date is, so I don’t proscribe much of anything to a particular date. I’ve been meaning to write something here for a while now and just haven’t felt moved enough to do it.

I have been struggling in so many areas over the last two weeks that I have to admit I’ve been more in despair than in serenity, seeing nothing happening in my life on the physical plane, yet feeling tremendous shaking and shifting happening on the etheric. Just the continuous ringing in my ears and the pressure in the top of my head has been enough to drive me nuts! Achy body one day, eating like a horse the next, spacey and disoriented quite a bit of the time with a total lack of being able to focus on anything for any length of time. Forget reading anything… I totally lose interest after a couple of paragraphs! I’ve been spending a lot of time on my porch swing, even though the air around here is quite smokey from the 18 forest fires in the state. Choices I’ve been making haven’t been showing up as I’d like them and I’ve been feeling quite hopeless in so many areas, really wondering what the hell was going on!

I woke up in the middle of the night last night saying to myself something to the effect of “to hell with being surrounded by negativity, I am choosing to be positive and I am choosing to love me.” I then went into a time and space, cosmic consciousness and connection of when I absolutely felt the best about myself, my life, my body, my marriage (albeit it was to another man then) and marked that as a Standard for me.

This was very interesting because the last 5 years have been an experience in living with a negative person again (who is very much like my father was) and learning how to maintain my center, if at all, in that type of close, daily environment. My husband’s family is incredibly negative and it’s been so damned hard to be around my husband, who has done nothing but bring that home with him every night, over and over and over again. Family ancestral energies are a real pain at times to unravel and resolve… sigh.

The crazy thing is that that is not who he is at all! He was a boy of great zest for life and much love and somewhere that got buried in his life. The joy of living is slowly resurrecting once more and it makes one hell of a difference for me, as I am more and more comfortable being around him and also in being in allowance of what he does or doesn’t choose for himself. This is a big shift in that it’s been almost impossible for me to be around his energy at all for quite a while now, much like fingernails on a blackboard.

I have never been a negative person, not at any time in my life. I was speaking this weekend and last with my cousin, who lives in Oregon, and she was talking about how people seem more and more lately to steal our joy away, in large chunks! What I’ve been experiencing is that they feed on our energy and leave their gunk in return, which is what we experience as the “stealing of joy”. I’ve had this happen to me my whole life and it’s been a continuous mystery for me. Now, I have a greater understanding of what is happening energetically and hope to be more fully responsive to this dynamic with more tools once I’ve taken the Energy Management and Abuse Workshop… whenever that might be. It certainly hasn’t worked out for me yet!

I made a choice last night to love me in a whole new way. I made a choice of who I am portraying to me. I made a choice to step into and embody being the grand creator that I am and to take back my energy and the expression of it in this life. With this I am choosing to step out of being a victim when surrounded by those who feed on my energy and to pull my energies back into me in sovereignty. I made a choice to return to my Standard of being positive and upbeat, which is so much who I am, and let go of giving away my power to others when they feed on me. I had so forgotten myself, feeling like I’d somehow lost myself altogether over these last years and over this last month I’ve been floundering without ME being much in the equation, especially not being first and foremost!

This experience of being surrounded by negativity and still maintaining a small kernel of not giving myself over completely to it has been an interesting experience indeed. I can more easily see how choices come into play, especially early childhood conditioning and behavior choices. A very long time ago I made a choice as a child that I wasn’t going to disappear the way my mother did, and I wasn’t going to be cruel and abusive the way my father was. I made a choice to live my life differently.

Yet, I can also see how the last five years of once again experiencing this negativity has made me stronger, somewhat tempered in steel in a way. I can see that these experiences that I have chosen for myself as an adult are quite a bit different than what I’d had as a child, and I have more tools and skills with which to understand them all. I also have the adult awareness and consciousness to utilize in teaching.

So today I am feeling more love for myself, and also feeling somewhat newborn and wobbly, and very much returned to me. Perhaps there was a big shift that occurred last night in all of cosmic consciousness, perhaps it’s only with me. But occur it did.

Several times a day now I’ve been choosing to have Archangel Michael remove any and all feeding tubes that I have, shicuuu (secret, hidden, invisible, covert, unseen, unacknowledged) and etc. This helps me a lot to be clear of that dynamic and to also be more aware of when there is feeding going on, not just with others feeding on me, but with me feeding on things outside of myself as well. I was slipping into a type of unconsciousness when feeding on others and instead of turning around and feeding myself energetically via breathing and drinking good water to “fill up” again, I was reaching for food, anything at hand to fill that sudden void.

Today I don’t feel worried about my life and how it might or might not be playing out. I don’t feel worried about where I’m going and how I’ll get there. I don’t have a care about any other person in my life. I really don’t have much of a concern about anything 3D today, because I feel so much more grounded in trusting my self and my divinity to bring me what serves me best now. I let go of a lot of stuff last night and today feels pretty darned good to me.

Here it is, the last day of the month, and what a whirlwind month it’s been for me. In looking back I see what a month of gifts I’ve given myself, and that’s all appropriate as my birthday falls in this month and what’s a birthday without gifts?!

This month began with me feeling like I was in a fog. Seeing no changes in my life, feeling no desire or passion for anything or anyone. Feeling lost and totally without direction. Body feeling like I’ve been beating up repeatedly with it’s aches and pains. Knowing that I was finished with much of this current life yet not seeing anything coming towards me. Then I gave myself the first gift of the month, a session with Nancy and Hib Matter at Doorways to Divinity.

Now, in case you’re wondering about the Spiritual Channel Surfing, giving myself the experience of many different talents and abilities and then sharing via writing about my personal experience with this or that channel, is one of my dreams. It falls in line with sharing the channels that I come across that I feel would be worthwhile to share. So, I am moving into that dream by giving myself the gift of experiencing the talents and abilities of people that I’ve never met, yet have long desired to share energies with along the way.

Nancy channels many energies so I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was absolutely delightful to have the Kryon come through for me. He brought information that rocked my world, gave me the answers about what the heck has been going on and not going on for me, and put my perspective of my life and marriage on a 180 degree turn. This channel brought in the information that I am in the process of the 7^th layer activation of my DNA and this awareness brought in more insight into my life than anything I’ve previously experienced. Kryon writes about this layer in the channel he did with Lee Carroll titled, “The Lemurian Connection.” The layers of the DNA are explained further on the website.

With this activation came the passion and the dreams ignited. My life turned on a dime and has been increasingly lovely ever since. I followed up this session with a short touching base with Rosanne Dourado, who channels the Prophet Mohammed, of whom I’ve previously written. Altogether the pieces of the puzzle have coming to me along with burst of joy and delight and a reaching out with both hands to grasp hold of my dreams.

Both the Kryon and the Prophet brought me information about the work that I’ve been doing with my husband and also a lightening bolt or two in relation to this. They brought me information that I had yet to receive in like form from any other source! Because of this information I chose to hold off on the divorce/separation for a time and instead moved into an energy of allowance. With this movement of my own perspective and energies, the greatest gift of all occurred.

Halfway through the month, like the turning of the tide, my husband became a different person. In a way it was a bit eerie, yet the energies that accompanied this change were the energies of his authentic self that I’ve been seeing glimpses of throughout our time together.

To make it short here, we have moved into a deep and loving relationship now and everything is different. I highly doubt that I could have been able to come to this place of new energy without the information that I received from the sources that I’ve mentioned. They literally facilitated me taking more time, which resulted in the saving of my marriage and the knowing of the soul agreement that my husband and I have together. It is in the work that we are doing together that we both are healed and are healing others.

The gifts continued to flow to me in the form of downloads of information from my own group and runners, insights and delights along the way. I have a direction, I have a dream, and I have the heart of the child waking and joining me each day. It’s been awesome to have my inner child coming out to play because she’s been so afraid for so many years. She now comes out regularly and we are having the time of our lives with the adventures and the fun.

As for my body stuff, I suddenly found myself choosing to eat only fresh fruit and vegetables, nothing processed, and my body feels great. I also began doing more yoga and movement with this body. Together we are more in harmony that at any time in a long time previous.

The final gift was a biggie for me. While running an errand on this last Saturday I happened to drive by a group of people whom I hadn’t seen in many years. It was my ex-soul mate husband and the couple who were previously “our” best friends. I had to let go of them when I let go of the old marriage and seeing them again was a huge wake up call for me. I didn’t stop to talk to them and in that instant I knew that they would not have desired to see me or to speak with me. I knew that they had not much moved on in their own lives while I had experienced leaps and bounds. I had let go of them and that life along the way. Yet, what I also realized in that moment was that I had not blessed and released that Identity of ME that I was at that time with them. I was still holding on to that identity and in doing so I was still holding onto things in my heart that were ready to move on to their own expression and completion.

That night I released myself and that life to its’ highest and best. I gave myself permission to fully step into my Now and be who I am. I let go of all the judgments that I was still carrying in regards to not being a part of that group any longer. I let go of the judgments that I had of myself because I was no longer in that old energy marriage, even though I did not leave in the first place from a lack of love, but rather from a sense of making this soul journey and feeling that I had no choice but to follow my leading. And above all, that night I allowed myself to embrace who I am now and the life that I have now, with the grand potentials that are waiting for me to take hold of them and run with it. I embraced all that I have accomplished and blessed myself for all of it, even the tough, harsh times of much pain and heartache. And I blessed those ones with whom I’d shared so much. I released the group and sent them on their way with love.

The weather in our part of the world has been really lovely, so my husband and I are doing a short walk-about the end of this week. My heart is pulling me back to Oregon where I lived for most of the ‘80’s and ‘90’s before going on the journey of ascension in 1999 with the Tobias Materials. We are going to swing through Southern Oregon and Northern California and visit Mount Shasta, where the underground Lemurian city of Telos is said to be. I’ve heard from the Prophet that I will meet a teacher there while on this trip and it will be … interesting. LOL!! He would not say any more so I am quite intrigued by this. We shall see…

I am looking to move from Idaho by early next year. My life here is complete and my husband is nearing his own completion with this phase of our life. And when you come to completion, it’s simply time to move on. For me that’s always meant moving somewhere else and I love it when this happens! I find that I usually live in one place or area for about two years and then I move on. I love this dynamic of my life and I’ve been very antsy for movement this whole year.

And now we are moving on together into a completely new phase of life. I have total completion with everything that I came to this earth to do and now I am moving into my Sacred Contract, as channeled by Steve Rother and the Group last month. I am moving into the area of soul expression that I never thought I would reach and I am so excited by my life that each day is filled with an energy of renewal and exploration and just plain fun!

For about the last ten days I’ve been pretty much living in my heart space. It’s been a painful experience being there, because I’d shut down my heart in so many ways over the last few years. Living as I’ve been, with a man who’s energy is quite chaotic and much like fingernails on a blackboard at times, it’s been necessary for me to close down what I receive, especially from him, because it’s been too painful to feel and experience for this empathic body. The only time I truly open myself to the energies is when I'm channeling a message. But the energies coming in now via the 11:11 portal, that will continue to pour in more and more in the times to come, do not work so well with a closed down heart!

I am choosing to cease living closed down like that now. This choice has to do with receiving and the dynamics of receiving energies and what I am looking at for myself in my life. Because I’ve been unable and unwilling to receive the painful energies I have been unable to truly receive the abundance, the love, the blessings and above all, the infinite non-conditional love that I have for myself and is available to me from Creation herself.

ONEness includes everything; judges nothing. It is not possible to conditionally receive… it’s an all or nothing thing. And it you’ve got a problem with money being scarce or slowly coming to you, check your receiving. Because money and love and everything else is simply a product of what we allow ourselves to receive. And again, energy is just energy...

I did the “Sacred Love” meditation as described in the recent channel from Archangel Michael, transmitted by Ronna Herman. It was quite painful and also has been very illuminating for me. Because so much of that Sacred Love that’s been waiting to join me in this life is the sacred love of myself.

So my heart has been experiencing activations and I’ve been allowing myself to receive those energies around me that cause me to burst into tears and sob for a while. My husband has this talent and ability where he picks up the negative energies of others and they stick to him like he’s made of Velcro or something. He will bring these home and they detach from him and flow to me. If I’m not conscious and aware, they will then stick to me. It’s a job of energy movement that I’ve been hating to experience and gradually over the last few years I’ve been resisting this process and shutting myself down, pulling away from being around him much of the time. This is no way to live, believe me.

Energy is energy. How many times do we have to hear this before it sinks in and makes it possible to step out of judging what is “out there” and all around us? I would say that my biggest area of dis-harmony with energy is in the resisting of perceiving and yes, receiving, those energies that empathically make my heart hurt as they move on through. Yet, once I’ve cried and allowed them to move on, I don’t hurt anymore. It’s just that whole experience of perceiving the heart pain, the soul pain that I’d rather not participate in anymore. Yet, another dynamic of this energy movement is that I am going into defining what I’m perceiving as it moves through me when the best thing for me would be simply acknowledge that energy is moving and step out of trying to put a name, a face, and a characteristic to it.

So here I am today, once more experiencing movement of energies in my heart. I have recently been feeling the energies of another being in my life and wondering if that other is even on this earth. The “Sacred Love” healing that AA Michael brings in is about the reunion of Twin Flame energies, which I perceive more as the aspects of the masculine and feminine, and not necessarily a separate being altogether, although it could just as easily be that type of reunion with another person for someone else. I think that we would all like to believe that there’s that perfect person just waiting for us to show up.

I find this a bit confusing now because in my life I’ve been told that my “Soul Mate”, my Twin Flame, my Flame Flower, blah, blah, blah is here on the earth incarnate. Then I’ve also been told that this person did not leave Lemuria when I did and is still present in that reality, that dimension and those energies are not incarnate on this earth now. Here's an interesting website that is all about this topic: http://www.soulmatequeen.com/

So that brings me back to the reunion that I so desire to experience with my whole Self. That is truly what I need most in my life; the unity with myself. To know and to acknowledge that I am complete with myself and that when others come into my life they are a gift and not a necessity!

With each new heart activation I am pulled more and more into a new life. I have crossed a line that will now keep me from going back to the life that I’ve had the last 5 years and I am very relieved to have finally come to the knowing that it’s not what I choose for myself to live this dynamic of experiencing such disparate energies with a partner. Marriage is not eternal and I am not bound to another being in this life any longer. The soul agreements and contracts have been fulfilled and it’s now time to move on.

About a week ago my husband’s energy finally “let go” of me. I’ve been speaking to him on the etheric realms and stating my desire to move on to my highest and best and that movement did not mean staying with him. He has some additional karmic things that he is choosing to work through and process, old family dynamics that he can’t seem to get past right now, and embody his own choices and I am finished with those types of experiences and lessons with him. Therefore, it just doesn’t serve me any longer to be here. I know it and now he knows it. And having this consensus of consciousness is wonderful and so very freeing!

*** As with anything that I write or post, it's only an interesting point of view in the nowment. YOU are the only one who truly knows what is appropriate for you.