Fear Dances

Dances with Fear

January 5, 2006

Originally I wrote the basics for this article in March, 2001. I’ve now updated it in several places and have added more insights. I hope that you enjoy it.

I’ve been meaning to write about my many dances with fear for some time now. I’ve worn through several pairs of dancing slippers over the last couple of years and thought I’d share something about the processes going on. At times I’ve been doing a slow waltz with the energies and at others it’s been a too fast jive that’s left my body feeling bruised and disconnected and so very tired. Fear has been that unwanted relative that comes to visit and ends up staying for years. And when I first began looking into my fears I thought I’d never be free of them!

Ten years ago I made the conscious decision to be healthy in all ways; mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. To put away the fears and heartaches and pain of childhood, to walk into my worst nightmares and face my demons and embrace them or defeat them if at all possible. I made the decision to do whatever it takes to be joyous, loving and harmonious, which means being who I am. As a major part of all this I've been using fear as a tool for myself, because when fear "comes up" it brings me to the awareness that there is an area in my life that is ready for healing and transmuting, that I am allowing myself to integrate old energies and be safe and whole once more. Fear is not an enemy, nor is it something to be avoided at all cost. It can be the greatest thing to ever be a part of you or it can be something to hide from. The choice is yours to make of how you will react to it. You can use it or run from it.

Through years of psychotherapy, metaphysics and meditation, and working with Access Energy for Transformation, I’ve learned a great deal about this business of fear. It has a face, it has a resonance, a consciousness, and it most definitely has a point of creation. It’s always fascinating to me to follow the energy of a particular fear and see how, where and with whom it originated.

It’s only been over this time of ascension journeying that I’ve come to recognize that there are very specific vibrations of fear for me. I’ve labeled them by the words that they use when they come to me. Each one is very different and each one hits me in a different way. These have no one greater value over another, nor do they arise in any particular order. They do, however, hit me in a different place in my bodies when they run, and each one hurts in a different way.

               1 - “I don’t understand” (disconnection from Source/God)
               2 - “What did I do wrong?” (electrical energies of guilt, shame, blame)
               3 - “I’m so scared!” (chaos fear, confusion)
               4 - “Don’t hurt me, please don’t hurt me.” (being punished for not knowing)
               5 - “What can I do?” (to make it right, to fix it, to get out of it)
               6 - “Why are you DOING this to me?” (being used against my will, controlled by someone else, feeling helpless and powerless)
               7 - “There’s nobody there” (abandonment fear)
               8 - “Nobody loves me” (isolation and again those energies of “wrongness”)

While there are most likely others that could go on this list, these are the major ones that I've been dancing with these last few years. As an experiment, I would suggest taking one of the above and saying it out loud at least five times to get the energy running. Then see where you feel it in your bodies and where it takes you from there. Ask the energy what it would like to show you. Ask the energy what is there that is ready to come back to you that you haven’t integrated as yet. Ask how this fear feeds you.

What I have been doing with these when they are triggered is asking for the Point of Creation or Separation of the implantation and implementation of the program, thoughtform, vibration and frequency of this fear. If I feel like being entertained or am being curious or the energy feels strange in some way I will jump down the wormhole that sometimes opens up when I do this and see where it takes me.

The wormhole looks exactly like the one from “Stargate SG-1” and it goes through time, space, dimensions and realities. I don’t always do this, as I prefer not to *engage* the drama or story in a situation in order to arrive at the healing. At times I have found myself wandering around in the DNA tracking down implants and the transmitters and receivers and so on for each one and while that was interesting at one time I no longer need to do this. When you come to the point of time/space when you took on a fear, you can release it at that point and it will affect all time/space in a trickle out motion, much like a pebble dropped in a pond.

I did have one interesting experience following the worm hole that scared me in a different way. I found myself sitting on top of a filing cabinet in a laboratory where “they” were cooking up DNA-encoded fear implants. I was going to open my mouth and say something about how rotten a creation it all was when I suddenly realized that if they knew I was there I would be captured and they would experiment on me to see how it all turned out! Whoa!!!! How’s that for a Twilight Zone experience!

I jumped out of there right about the time a door opened and a big spider walked in. Man, this really got me going out of there in a hurry and I felt very strange for a while afterwards. Especially as I have no fear of spiders; after all the Scorpion is my sign. This experience displayed to me that getting free of this stuff isn’t just about this life!

So how do I deal with my dances of fear? Over the years I’ve collected a few different techniques and depending upon the energy at the time I will use one or all of them. It’s very interesting to me to see how the energy feels about each one and which technique that I feel appropriate to use. It’s sometimes like I use whatever technique was part of the original implantation as the means of reversing it. ... interesting point of view, huh! Yet we’ve learned that time is all time and who’s to say it doesn’t loop around like this?

I was taught the Rapid Eye Movement clearing technique originally. I’ve been really surprised how often I’ve been using that one, as many might perceive that it’s no longer of value or pertinent in the new energy. Course, I use a lot of Access, too. Another technique that I use that I caution using is what I refer to as “getting down in the gutter” and it’s not a lot of fun, no matter how successful it may be in the end. For me it’s been part of my process for future work with clients; the empathy in knowing what they’re going through and so on. It also seems to have the best results for me personally to get the body transmitters and receivers and all the assorted gridwork and electromagnetic and electrogenetic devices associated with that implant when I fully walk into a fear and get intimate with it. Whew!!! I was a fabulous creator of this &*%$ and therefore equally enjoy tracking it down. Right...

When you’re a creator of a particular experience, it seems to impact you and affect you more than it might for others. And when you personally clear it and release it, the releasing has a big effect on others.

What this transmuting of a creation entails is walking boldly into your fear, taking it by the hand and getting intimate with it. Breathe it in fully into every cell of your body and spirit.

Where do you feel it in your body, what thoughts, feelings and emotions come up around it? What was going on in your life when you took this fear on?

How is this fear impacting your life now?

Where do you exist in this fear, where do you cease to exist?

What are you calibrating by feeling this fear etc.

Who do you own with this fear and who owns you?

And of course, who does this fear belong to?

It is my humble opinion that the greatest healing tool that I have in my bag of
tricks is that last phrase, “Who does this belong to? Where is this coming from?” Sure there’s layers upon layers upon layers of stuff from others, yet when you consciously work your way through those layers, there’s pay dirt down there :-)

In walking into the fear, the greatest moment of self-empowerment is when you are able to stand back ego-wise as an adult and view a situation that had you paralyzed as a child and take apart all the judgments, decisions and creations that you have made in your life about that event, that feeling and that emotion and step out of it in freedom. Very empowering.

What you may have been completely helpless to deal with as a baby or young child you can face and overcome as a conscious adult when you are able to look at and feel the fear from a different point of view. Then to step forward and take that baby or small child in your arms and bond with the knowledge that no one will ever do that to you again. Powerful indeed.

How does it get any better than this?

*** As with anything that I write or post, it's only an interesting point of view in the nowment. YOU are the only one who truly knows what is appropriate for you.

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